National Eating Disorders Association

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I don’t think there is help for me

Hi so I’ll start off I’m a 24 year old single mum.

I think my eating disorder began in high school. Usual wanting to be skinny as the other girls, not eating because I was saving lunch money for the weekend, then snacking on junk at night times.

Looking back at pictures of those days I WAS skinny. I’ve always naturally been a size X when I had my son and went onto the hormonal implant I gained weight, but I lost it, I didn’t “diet” but I hit the gyms. Now I’m not overly bothered about my weight no more than any other person I mean we’d all like to change something right?

My problem is just my overall attitude with food. Since my teens till now so around 10 years, I physically cannot finish whatever I am eating, I always have to leave something. I cannot eat socially ESPECIALLY at buffet type functions I feel all eyes are on me!? I just can’t do it! Even family bbqs I’ll keep myself busy so no one notices I’m not actually eating.

Now I’m becoming more aware I can go days and days on end without eating. And when I do it’s always very minimal and that will be that for a few days the thought of finishing it makes me feel physically sick. So it’s not me consciously doing it, it’s subconscious.
I landed in hospital earlier this year with collapsing but I was threatened with social services if I didn’t get my diet back on track. Now I have tried the whole small and often etc tried food diaries they just don’t work. So I’m wondering if I do call the GP can they actually help? It’s like I want to beat these mental barriers I have but I really don’t see how I will be able to do that? Like it’s became so normal to be hungry to be weak that this is how I’m going to be forever there’s no turning back to a healthy relationship.

Edited your post

Hi Chlolouh – welcome to the forums. We edited your post to remove mentions of numbers/sizes and specific foods, which are not allowed on the forums. You can review this in our community guidelines found here.   We encourage you to reach out to your provider - also, please know the NEDA Helpline is available for information surrounding support and resources. The helpline phone line can be reached at 1-800-931-2237 (Monday-Thursday 11:00am-9:00pm, Friday 11:00am-5:00pm EST). Helpline chat hours are Monday-Thursday from 9AM to 9PM ET and Friday 9AM to 5PM ET.  Thank you for understanding and please continue to post!

I'm sorry to hear what you're

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. The title of your post is upsetting because there certainly is help for you and it's clear that you are at least thinking about it if you've posted here. I know it's very difficult to think about having a healthy relationship with food when you're in a place where it's all wrong, but you can get there. If it's too hard to do it for yourself, then think about your child as motivation. GPs can be helpful, but sometimes they don't know much about how to treat EDs so you may need a specialist. If you trust your GP definitely reach out, if not do some research for a practitioner who specializes in ED. You could have a medical doctor on your recovery team. Do you have a therapist? Good luck.