National Eating Disorders Association

4 posts / 0 new
Last post
mmartinez
Ready to move past this

Hello I've been working on this problem for a while now. It has been over 3 years with bulimia on and off. Absolutely no-one knows about this situation of mine. I havent experienced any major problems because of this, but am exited to move past this. I am 18 years old and I am gay. I know this is not treatment, but am looking forward to talk to people on similar circumstances and hear advice and how you are dealing with it. I have a therapist and even having a deep trust in her I do not want to tell her about this since I dont feel comfortable with sharing any of this with her, since I am very concearned about not being able to go back to the US and continue college if I tell her. I really want support and advice on how to procede since going back to college if really important to me, and I would do everything possible for me to return. I know my parents will support me in every step of the way, but i'd rather not tell them for now. I think my bulimia is not that bad, since I could go from one to three weeks without purging without purging, but it also comes in waves I could be fine for one or two months until it stikes again.

BobJ48
Hey M,

So what do you think the situation is, or the concerns are, that triggers you to purge?

"I don't want to get fat" is what a lot of people would say, but I mean emotionally deeper than that. Like what would "fat" symbolize to you ?

Some people might say "It would mean that I'm not in control of my life."

Which is a different concern than "fat", if you follow what I mean ?

Redefining
A Few Questions to Ask

MMartinez,

What I love what you said is that you are excited to move past this - you have a vision that is guiding you and one that you are running towards. Keep that vison vibrant and alive.

Does anyone need to know - that I am still pondering however what I do know is that to heal you need to repair your relationship with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you (you as the person) rather there is a disconnect and we want to ask, what is that disconnect and why is it there? What do you believe about yourself? Your worth?

I like to ask, metaphorically, what are you trying to "stuff" down? What is to painful to sit with that is causing you to binge (or rather stuff it down with food)? What are you hungry for that food cannot satisfy? Do you know?

And I invite you to get curious and ask, is your only fear about reveling your bulimia your fear of not being able ot go back to the US or is there another fear underneath that fear - I ask, because that fear could give you a clue as to what you believe about yourself and what you are going through - there is no shame in experiencing bulimia - you are not it and never will be it - rather - and this will sound a bit different - it is serving you - it is your body's way of trying to help you - to keep you safe, loved, worthy or enough.

And that is beautiful but now you no longer need that and so how do you reconnect with yourself? That is the question and that is the journey to healing - healing = reconnection to you - discovering that you are whole and complete as you are.

An exercise I like to give people is to make a list of two columns. One asking, what do I love about myself and why the other what do I not love about myself (or cannot) and why? Get curious about what you find in this list - this will start to give you an insight to where it is that you are disconnected.

And reach out and I would love to hold space for you to process.

You are on a beautiful journey - and you were given it as a gift - a painful one - maybe but within in will be a gift you will never give up.

_admin_moderator
Edited Post

Hi Redefining! Thank you for being such a supportive community member. It's great that you're encouraging Mmartinez to look inward to gain a stronger sense of self! Just wanted to let you know that we edited your post to keep it aligned with our community guidelines (linked here). Because our forums are public spaces, we must refrain from sharing personal information, such as Facebook pages, for safety purposes. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to post!