National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
work

I am in a conundrum. I have to work. I enjoy my job. But....my job creates intense anxiety. Intense. so much that the other day I backed out of the driveway and hit a car. Not bad, but enough that it is costing me $750.00 that I don't have. Come December makes three years without any accidents after I had two in eight months, most likely related to a medication I was taking that I have since stopped. So insurance isn't involved. I have a $500 detectable anyways. So it doesn't make sense to involve them as it will keep my co-pay up and come December it will finally come down after three years of an increase.

I need to work because I have Medicaid for the working disabled. I am stuck because work helps me get out but for decades I have had so much stress and anxiety with any job I have tried. At this point I am unable to do anything else but what I do.

No one really understands the anxiety. I am told why??????????!!!!!!!!!

Why do you want to do things this way, or that? I just said now to my father you don't need to understand why just know that this is what I need. He would try to convince me that the way I am thinking is wrong and illogical anyway. So he agreed to do what I asked him.

I find myself eating at night. There have been many nights when I fall asleep with food in my mouth. I wake up later and find the food in my mouth. To me, this is scary.

I know eating in a semi conscious state is not good.

So that is it.

Thank you for listening.

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