National Eating Disorders Association

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I'm pretty sure I'm relapsing, I need help please.

Ive been going through some stress situations at home and for a few weeks I had random thoughts about not eating. Like in those instances, suddenly it was normal to think, "No, I can't eat that, too many calories." And then I'd stop and think, "Wait, what?? I recovered years ago. Why did I just think that??!"

Fast forward a week and I had an explosive fight at home where I went to bed without dinner. They told me to eat and I insisted I just want to go to bed. I was too upset and angry and lost to care about food. I just wanted to sleep and wake up and it be over. They kept telling me to eat, I kept saying no, until ultimately I just went to sleep. It's almost like that triggered something in me because I started fasting. Not out of want to fast, but I'm afraid to have solids. Suddenly I just didn't have interest in food. Then I had fear of it. I'm so afraid now and I don't know why! I don't think I'm fat, I'm fine with my body, but I can't lie that seeing my body get smaller these past 9 days feels good and motivates me even though I know it's water weight at this point, and the more days go by the stronger I feel. I feel so guilty saying that.

Anyway, I need to figure out how to break this fast without getting badly constipated like I did in the past. Can anyone recommend what foods I should start to eat slowly, or how much I should eat when I do start? When I first recovered years ago from a 11yr go with anorexia I had absolute agonising pains because I started to eat again way too fast. I don't want that again I'm so scared.

I don't even know when or if I can bring myself to start eating again, but it will make it easier, more potential and less scary if I at least know how to start.

Thanks for any advice you can give!


Hi Floral_linen! We are sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling at home and with your recovery! It sounds like this must be a scary situation for you, and we are here for support in any way we can. If it is an option for you, something we think may be helpful to you is reaching out to an ED professional, such as a dietician/nutritionist, who may be able to give you more personal, specific recommendations. The NEDA Helpline may also be a great place to look into these or other support options or resources. You can call them at 800.931.2237 or chat with them online ( M-TH 9-9 EST and F 9-5 EST. We hope you find the support you are looking for, and wish you the best on your journey to recovery.

NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.