National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
At a loss

Hi. I need help. I am struggling with my roommate who seems to have decided I am her enemy. She seems to I just lost everything I just wrote...undo everything I do. For instance, I turn the water on in the kitchen sink, turn around and she turns it off. I put the ceiling fan on in the living room, leave for a few minutes and she turns it off. She moves my things all the time.

She knows my Mother does not want me to go shopping as my sister is very ill and we are limiting exposure as much as possible. I asked her to pick me up a few things as she was going shopping for her parents. She said it was too much for her as she was shopping for herself and her parents. I am too much for her apparently.

The other day she saw that I left the garage door open and light on that leads into my sisters room who isn't there right now. She told me to close it as I was wasting my fathers money with the heat going on because of my forgetfulness. I said you could have very easily closed it, you were close enough. She said she was busy and it was my "responsibility". I said there is no reason you couldn't have closed the door. I did not and went to bed. The next morning she was very angry that the door remained open all night. I said I chose not to close it because I will not have you pushing me around. She was livid. She told me it was, again, my responsibility as I left it open. She was angry that I chose not to close it. Now it may seem petty and that I am making a big issue out of this but she tries to control me all the time.

iwanttolive
part 2

I lost what I type so I am saving it as it is long. She thinks this is her home and I am a guest. She treats me with distain and thinks I need to grow up and act my age. She has no idea of what it is like to suffer with anxiety to the degree that I do, and that the eating disorder is a horrible thing that I do to my parents. She expresses how fortunate I am to have a company that takes me back after so many missed days or months. I told her I was sick and needed to get help. She just doesn't understand.

So this brings me to tonight. We ate at the same time, almost. So I sat down and was eating and she ignored me, reading the newspaper. So I got up and went and ate in the other room. She then ignored me the rest of the evening and night being in her room with the door closed. Okay I can deal with that. The big issue came when I reminded her that starting tomorrow I need to self isolate as I am having a procedure done on Tuesday. I am being tested for COVID tomorrow morning and need to isolate after until Tuesday. The last time I thought I actually had it and she was so inconvenienced that she had to wait a few days for the results to come back before she went to her friends or whatever she does. She never asked how I was or show any concern that I might have COVID. So tomorrow we can not be around each other and I asked her to let me know when she would be coming home so I could get things together and bring dinner or whatever into my room. She said she was not going to alter what she does because of me and she is not sick and wasn't going to inconvenience herself due to me. I said all I am asking is that you call me when you are on your way home. She said she would if she remembered but if she didn't she didn't. I said you could write yourself a note to remind yourself, if you really wanted to call me. I said you could do that if you wanted to. Her deal is is that she just wants to do what she wants to do and has no concern for my feelings or that of my parents.

I feel bullied in my own house and I had to deal with that with my sister. My roommate treats me with distain. She is critical of how I eat, what I eat, what I don't eat. Of my not exercising, even though I tell her it makes my body hurt. I had pain when standing from kneeling a few weeks back. I said my knees hurt so much just from kneeling down for a few minutes. She said I was still young. I said but my body is older than my age and I have chronic pain. It is good that you can exercise and all but I can't, my body won't let me. She just laughed under her breath and when I called her on it she said I was just too sensitive.

How in the world am I supposed to live with such treatment. That she can't even give me the curtesy of calling me on her way home from wherever. She never tells me anything about what she does, not that it is any of my business. I really don't think I am asking too much for her to give me a heads up when she is on her way home. She makes it seem as though I am asking her for a million dollars.

Signed
so frustrated

weouthere
Yikes

Wow your roommate sounds so terrible and I am so sorry you have to live with that right now. I had a roommate last year that was very sensitive to messes and lights being on in the house and she would get passive aggressive about it sometimes. It got to the point where I too felt like a stranger in my own home. Something that helped was talking to her about it in a calm and clear way over text and in person.

If that still doesn’t work, I would look into what your lease says about cancelling. If she is making you miserable and is not doing your physical and mental health any good, you should consider moving out. If you are unable to break the lease, try subletting the room and renting somewhere else. Check Facebook groups near your area for people looking for an extra roommate or for someone to takeover their lease.

Of course you need to do whatever is best for you. Stay strong and healthy!! I really hope that test comes back negative and you find some peace soon.

iwanttolive
update

So my roommate was out most of the day. And she did NOT call me to let me know she was on her way home, only asked me if I was going to be using the kitchen as she needed to use it. No big surprise on that one. I had already eaten and was in my room reading.

I do not know how to deal with the hurt.

And then my father tries to make me think and do things as he does. When I needed help from him, I asked him to do what I needed the way I needed it to be done. He said he didn't understand why I had to do it that way as it made no sense. I just asked him to do it as I asked him to even though he didn't understand my reasoning. For so lone, so many years, I have been put down, criticized and told I am wrong. It just gets old after a while and I feel like such a burden on my parents. I am the source of the tension and the source of their frustrations. I wish sometimes that I didn't have to have the call on my life that I do. that I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I am not suicidal and have no plans to harm myself. I just am tired of all of this.

Blue44
Iwanttolive

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking and praying for you and your family. I hope things can improve for you. I know that things are difficult for you. I just want you to know that I care.

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