National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
scared update

Hi. I am really scared. For one, my roommate is becoming increasingly aggressive with me. She has a very entitled attitude and continues to treat me so poorly. We have had two big blow outs. I apologized for my part in the fight, she just said it was my fault and took no ownership of what happened. If I say that something she says to me was hurtful or unkind, she reacts so strongly. I am dizzy with the anxiety. I was tested for COVID and all she could think about was when would I get the results because she was unable to see certain people for fear of exposing them. She was seemingly upset that I could have exposed her and people she had been with than caring that I was sick and could have used some acknowledgement that I was nervous as I had to wait several days to get the results. I do not have COVID Very good.

We just don't know how much longer my sister is going to live. I lost the closeness and friendship I had with my Mom. I went over to their house twice in two weeks angry and so upset because of the way my roommate is treating me. I get blamed for it and am told to not do anything to upset the situation anymore. That it is up to me to keep the peace. I can not do that if that means being pushed around, getting the inquisition for giving my dog her treats, or cutting her hair, AGAIN. For setting out Windex while cleaning a table out on the porch. I was told, why did you have the Windex out near the food>>@@@!!!!!????? I said I was cleaning the table outside. She had put the container away. So many things on top of dealing with the loss of my sister, the loss of my parents. They just don't have any left overs to give to me. I know I should just let them be. I am going to stop going over to their house except for an occasional visit. I am and always have been too much for them

I am slipping into a depression and have the need to lose weight. I bought a scale today but had to hide it and rip the box up into a million pieces so no one will know that I have it. I need to lose x amount of pounds.

I know that this is not the answer but it is where I am at. I have been a prisoner in my own house for the past five years. Things go well at times with my roommate but if I ever say anything about something she said upsetting me she says no one thinks the way you do, and you are just so sensitive and over the top.

So I am writing because I have been struggling for a few months now. The overeating isn't as bad, but now I am in the phase of needing to lose weight.

I hate the fact that I am afraid to be free in my own house. Afraid of being criticized. The other day she had out all of the silverware. I commented and she said yes there is sugar all in the drawer, implying that it could only be me that spilled the sugar.

So so many things for too long. I feel myself slipping back into the desire to weigh less and move around more. I started using a machine at my parents but I would rather walk than upset them with the exercise.

I am depressed. I am starting to feel a great sense of dread and fear.

iwanttolive
More

I am basically being blamed and I have no where to go and my roommate is staying. My parent's cannot deal with me or aren't even available for the little things. I am.more alone now than ever.

kylie21
I'm so sorry that this is

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I don't have much advice other than losing weight is not the answer to solve your problems. Losing weight won't make your roommate or your family act differently. It won't make it any easier for you to deal with them either. It'll only make you more irritable and less able to figure out how to truly deal with the problems you're facing. Don't hide behind your eating disorder and try to talk with the people causing you stress and work things out with them. The only way to solve the problems is to talk them out. If your roommate is telling you that you're too sensitive, explain to her that you think she's being inconsiderate of your feelings. You are a human, the same as she is. Neither of you are perfect and you'll have to work out your differences. But the solution is never to lose more weight when the problem is completely unrelated to weight. Your body needs nourishment in order to deal with stress, don't make it worse by starving it of the thing it needs most.

iwanttolive
kylie21

Hi. Thank you for your thoughtful response. What you said is what I would say to someone else. I know what is going on. With so many things happening, my other two sisters, I have four, just had serious health emergencies. In the same day.

It is feeling like a prisoner in my own house, still can't say home. The loss of the closeness I had with my Mom and my father always saying things that make me feel that I am too much for them to handle. I know losing weight won't fix those things but it will at least it will help me to feel better about myself. I know. I know. It shouldn't be that way. That I shouldn't use weight as a criteria for feeling better about myself, but that is where I am right now.

I am still depressed but I got a lot accomplished today, dusted, cleaned, and now watching a movie. But I am anxious about that because I am afraid of my roommate coming home and thinking I am lazy. She is out all day and her comments make me think I am all sorts of negative things. I know also that no one can make me feel a certain way. I decide if I feel bad or not. It is just difficult. Thanks for anyone who is reading this.

iwanttolive
update

Hi again. I know I have been posting a lot lately. Things are back to "normal" with my roommate. It is as if nothing ever happened. This is how it always is. She reacts, I react and we fight and then the next day she is overly sweet and helpful. I don't quite understand it all. But I like it when she is being nice to me.

I don't know about any of you but it seems my family has had its fair share of trials. Two of my sisters wound up in medical emergencies both in the same two day period. The one is in the hospital and is getting help. The other is feeling somewhat better but why she is so sick is still not known.

My mother told me I am in denial about my sister and how ill she is. The one who lived with me and who is now living with my parents so they can take care of her. There was so much abuse going on in my sisters lives and horrible things happening and it continues. We can't get a break from it.

I am staying safe and trying to stay positive but not in denial. I need to learn more about trusting God through the bod and in the good. To stand strong when the winds blow, as a palm tree bends in the heavy winds. The tree doesn't break, but it bends a lot. That is what I need and want to do with all the seriousness in my family. So many difficult things my family and parents have had to endure.

Thank you for reading. I wish you all well.

iwattolive

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