National Eating Disorders Association

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New here and having a hard time

Hi everyone. I'm pretty new to these boards. I worked really hard to find what I considered to be real recovery from ednos/osfed (anorexia and bulimia symptoms at various times). It took years and so many relapses and I finally spent a full year (a little over a year) feeling like I had things together! My personality came back, I was spending time with friends, dancing again (in a healthy way) and doing really well at my job. I even entered into an online spiritual training group. Things were great. Then, the pandemic happened. I'm a massage therapist and stressed about my future (I work for a franchise). I'm still expected to attend work meetings virtually until we open back up and my boss makes comments about us gaining weight or the amount of food we’re eating and thinks that it's funny. My coworkers (with the exception of my best friend) are no different in terms of weight jokes right now. That coupled with my dance rehearsals being sporadic and virtual, cancelled performances, feeling completely unable to plan, and looking at the prospect of being sent back to work sooner than expected, I am extremely stressed and a lot of old thoughts are running through my end. I am finding that I have to force myself to eat meals and sometimes it's just too hard. I also purged once and stopped myself another time. What the hell? I thought I was finally better.

I'm sorry this is happening.

I'm sorry this is happening. Relapse can sometimes sneak up on us. Usually when we don't feel in control, and the weird dance schedule could be to blame for that. But, don't quit dancing, it is a tough situation to solve. Maybe try to gain control of the situation, get a group scheduling app for your dance like Next or the band app. When life gets tough for me, I turn to my food habits to calm myself. Likely limiting what I eat, but sometimes having an extra snack can be freeing, it really can. This is tough, but i believe you are tougher!

I feel you!

I can completely empathize with this. I thought I was in a really solid state of recovery for the past few years. Since the quarantine/pandemic hit, I've had feelings and thoughts pop up that I haven't felt in years, and it's really scary. I had been in a stable place where I felt good about my body and had developed healthy habits, and now everything's being turned upside down. I'm sorry about your boss, sounds like a real piece of work, ugh.

Some things I've been turning to when I feel like butt include my pets (two rabbits who are very cute and fuzzy), deep breathing, my hobbies (I'm a musician and playing my instruments is kind of meditative for me), and reaching out to my friends and telling them about my feelings. It's especially hard when I feel really bad to remember to do one of these things. But when I get myself to take a break from the bad feels and just pet my bunnies, for instance, I feel better. Maybe even just making a list of the things you love and enjoy, and looking at that list, can help remind you of what makes you happy and can help you slow your brain down when you feel really stressed. Just an idea.

Anyways, I believe in you! I think a lot of us are in the same boat right now, but we can get through this!!

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