National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
Braveheart

Hi Braveheart, I haven't seen you post recently and I am wondering how you are. Know you are on my heart and in my thoughts.

Your friend

tryingtobebrave
Hi

Hi friend. I find myself in a place I don’t understand. As long as I’m constantly distracted I’m okay, but as soon as I’m alone with my thoughts I feel at bottom and want to use substances to cope. I feel ashamed to need NA/AA after staying clean on my own (and with the help of therapists and supportive friends) for five years. My mom is disappointed in me. She said to just do what I need to but is not happy with me. I can’t help where I’m feeling. She said I need to move on from my trauma, get over it. But she doesn’t get it. I’ve talked to my therapist about this several times. She’s not going to understand. She has her own issues. As long as I don’t bring up these things, we get along and that’s how it needs to be with us in quarantine. But inside when I’m not distracted, I’m not okay. I cry myself to sleep every night from either trauma memories or grief. And I either have trauma nightmares or dreams about my grandma and papa dying over and over. My psychiatrist increased a medication. I hope it will help. I’m just lost. I just need to know someone is there. So thank you for being here. I love you.

iwanttolive
My friend

How difficult this must be for you, to be told " just get over it" especially with the death of your papa and last year your grandmother. This is a big deal and may be bringing up a lot from the past. Your mom.is dealing with her own pain as you said. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I can not begin to imagine what you are going through. I think it is brave and takes a lot of courage to ask for help and if you need to go to a meeting to stay sober then that is smart. I love you and want you to know I think you are doing the right thing. I want certain things from my Dad that He is not capable of giving me. I know he loves me and me him, but he is not equipped to give me certain things. Same with your mom. This is something I have come to accept. I am.sorry you hurt so much. I send lot's of hugs your way

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