National Eating Disorders Association

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hermione3
honest realization..and difficult

So I had a few conversations today with members of my treatment team about how I feel I can't be honest because I fear any slip up and my therapist will drop me. I realized I have to have an honest conversation with my therapist about how I feel I can't be honest with her which is a domino affect to being honest with the rest of my team. I am struggling right now but fear telling my therapist because I am on thin ice with her. I realized however I will not get better if I can't be honest with her and in turn the rest of my team it won't help me. She has helped me so much and it would destroy me to lose her but if I can't be honest with her it is not good for me and not helping the relationship. if she can't accept I will have any slip up and understanding maybe I need a different therapist if I am in this constant fear I feel I have to be perfect at recovery and it is making it harder. I am struggling a lot and I can't reach out for help because I am afraid my therapist will drop me. I am going to talk to her and this is not easy and if she thinks she can't work with me then I will need someone else I can be honest with as much as that would hurt me. I love her and our relationship but this is no way to be I can't not be honest with my whole team because I am in constant fear she will drop me. I think this is a huge realization and a lot of honesty on my part I don't have therapy until Friday but I am ready.

julesthefox
There is no shame in needing

There is no shame in needing extra support. Maybe you could have more than one therapist on your team. I’m trying to do that now, as I have been really struggling too. It is so important to feel safe and like you can be honest in the therapeutic relationship. It’s good that you realize that. I’m sorry it’s so strained and scary right now. You are so brave for confronting this. I’m sure your therapist will appreciate your honesty about your fears. Then they will help you address that so you can continue to move forward. You can do this.
Julesthefox

hermione3
Thank you so much for your

Thank you so much for your support in this. I am scared but realize I can’t be in a relationship I feel I can’t be honest in because I end up lying to my whole treatment team so it doesn’t get back to her so I am not getting really any level of support I need right now. I think it will be good to confront my therapist on this and if I need to find a new therapist well so be it this relationship is not working at this time. She has changed my life but maybe I need a change.

hermione3
I am so scared and anxious

I am so scared and anxious what if this means a new therapist I don't know how to start over...I mean I will have the rest of my team but losing my therapist would be huge. but even before I went to residential our relationship had changed...I know this conversation is needed just scared.

jess64
Julesthefox is right, there

Julesthefox is right, there is nothing wrong with that. I am sorry you are feeling so anxious and scared, but that is normal, I think, in this situation. But you have to continue to put your care and recovery first, and a therapist is an important part of the process. You can do this! We are here for you, stay strong :)

hermione3
Thanks fir the support I love

Thanks fir the support I love my therapist I just feel right now it is not working and I can’t feel like I have to be like 100% perfect all the time or feel I will be dropped. It might be hard to find a new therapist in the current times but I am sure my therapist would help?

Blue44
I can relate

I can relate somewhat to what you are saying about having to be perfect or you will be dropped by your therapist. I’m really struggling right now but I don’t feel like I can tell anyone. I can’t even say on this forum how exactly that I’m struggling.

hermione3
I am sorry you are struggling

I am sorry you are struggling and feel you have no one to tell or can't tell anyone. I am struggling and too scared to tell my therapist because I know she will drop me it isn't even a maybe I think at this point. I need to talk to her about all of this I am scared but if I can't be honest with her then that really is not helping me so maybe I need a new therapist. I am not happy about it but I feel I am just someone who is going to constantly have these struggles.

katwomyn3
I feel the same

There is so much shame in an environment where I am told it is ok. But it's so hard to let that go of it. You're so much more honest about it and more confrontational. I admire that just from your posts so far. It inspires me so much. I just wanted to say thank you.

hermione3
Thanks for your kind words

Thanks for your kind words they mean a lot. I have been in treatment a long time and still struggle with stigmas too afraid to tell people close to me all about my eating disorder abs traumas. It’s difficult but there are good people you can trust good luck and take care

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