National Eating Disorders Association

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silverstars
How To Drown Out My Unhealthy Voice?

The "voice" of my eating disorder is so cruel to me.Well,not all the time.If the number on the scale drops this voice congratulates me.But if i try and go against it and eat a healthy meal it is enraged.i journal this voice sometimes and it is nasty,or lies to me.

i do have a healthy voice,but i struggle to hear it over the bellowing eating disorder voice.
i have tried to keep a journal of positive self talk,but it never seems to work.It feels so foreign.
People say i am too hard on myself,but i see it as not quite hard enough.i really don't like myself so it is easy to listen to the negative voice,which is pleased when i put myself down,and then i can be easily convinced of not taking care of myself.

Sorry.Maybe this makes no sense at all.And some might say that it is not a good idea to think of my eating disorder as a seperate entity.But that describes it for me.

Anyway,i am at a loss as to how to encourage my healthy voice to take over and drown out my negative voice.
Maybe when i stop with all this self loathing?
And just how do i do that?

i know i will never recover unless that voice is completely obliterated.
But??
How do i do that?

Sorry if this is all over the place and nonsensical.
Maybe i will regret posting this.

ACK!!!

AndiTutti
You make perfect sense :)

First of all: you make perfect sense. I also view my ED voice as a separate entity-- my Dr told me to think of it as a parasite. And I'm glad you have a healthy voice even if it feels weak right now.
As for how to obliterate the ED voice-- I don't have an answer. I am still early on in recovery but I just had my first appointment with a therapist and I think that will help eventually. Anyway, know you are not alone, you are not crazy, and I wish you the best in your recovery. :)

silverstars
Thank you

Thank you so much for the validation,AndiTutti.

Yes,a parasite is a good way to look at it.
i hope that your new therapist can help you,and that soon you will feel liberated from your eating disorder.

alwaysthinking
Voices

I know with myself, most of the voices that are the ones that go along with what the eating disorder says is basically everything that was said to me in the past by kids in the school, my dance teacher, and my parents. The messages I always received from the people in my life, are really what fuels the voice of my eating disorder. I don't know if anything might be similar for you. Maybe you can explore that with your therapist or doctor. But you definitely are not crazy or anything similar to that because I've heard a lot of people say that they have a voice both healthy and totally evil to put it bluntly.

silverstars
Thank you alwaysthinking

alwaysthinking,
Thank you so much for your insight.
i definitely have old negative tapes from when i was young that loop in my head.
Working on this in therapy and hopefully i will one day be able to destroy those tapes that my eating disorder so loves.

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