National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
Brutus94

Hi. This is iwanttolive. I just want to check in to see how things are going? As for me, I am really doing very well. I hit a snag a few months back but overall I am doing the best that I have ever done. The depression is going away but I always have a low level, dysthymia, I am unsure of the spelling, but it is a low grade depression that doesn't go away. I struggle with this, but the major depression is gone. As well as the severe anxiety, but I still take a low dose anti-anxiety med for that. But I am truly living and happy and engaged with life. I say this to encourage you that even after one who had been as deathly ill as myself and had been to as many hospitals and programs as I have been to there is Hope. I know you believe in and have faith in Jesus. Never give up Hope. My parent's didn't. I didn't even though life was so excruciatingly difficult and painful for me. I am healing and finally found the right therapist to help me work through some of the trauma.

My sister continues to be quite ill. She is back in the hospital and will be going to a different hospital tomorrow. Out of state. She has an extremely complicated condition and most doctors don't know how to help her. Unless God does a miracle she won't make it. Even then, our faith and trust is in God and we continue to Hope. It is difficult to watch as any illness is for any family member. But with the eating disorder, there is just something about it that makes it really troubling to deal with. Guilt, anger, shame, sadness. So many more adjectives. I deal with guilt and fear and anger with my sister as she hasn't always made the best choices for her health when she could have and now she is so ill.

But as for me and my healing, my parent's get a lot of credit for their unfailing love and never giving up on me. They tell me they don't know if they always made the correct choices, should they have allowed me to live with them while "acting out"? They don't know, they only know they did what they thought was best and what they felt God wanted them to do. We are very close and more so after I moved out of their home after staying with them for six months due to some difficulties I was having with my sister. Since coming back to my house, the issues I was having with my father resolved themselves.

I know it is difficult but keep hoping, keep believing and keep taking care of yourselves as you journey this road. True recovery is possible. I am at a good weight and am not afraid to eat and have even stopped the overeating I was engaging in for a while. It feels good to be doing so well. And I want to encourage others that it is real and possible. Take care.

iwanttolive

brutus94
Hello

Thanks for reaching out. My daughter has not yet gone to the program she found (the one I mentioned at end of the year), turns out she still needs to "improve" in a few areas for them to accept her. So, she is working with her doctor on that.....but I also think she may be trying to avoid going. Hard to say. For sure she does want to go back to school in the fall, so that is a motivator. Problem is, she has a ways to go and she doesn't understand things take time. I would have thought after sitting out a year she would have learned that we aren't kidding, and that she really does need to improve before she goes back. But, the thought process of a young adult with an ED just doesn't seem to process good parental advice the way I would hope. :)

Sorry to here about your sister. I have never dealt with anything that difficult. Very few people understand what it is like to struggle, or watch someone struggle, with an ED or metal issue. The behavior makes no sense, and there is no easy fix, and yet the solutions all seem so simple to outsiders. If nothing else, my experience so far has reinforce my humility and taught me to be more compassionate to the difficulties others are facing.

There is also the struggle of trying to "accept" the things I can't change, but at the same time remain hopeful for the best. Because you are right, true recovery is possible! But, at the same time, you sort of have to prepare yourself a for the possibility that they won't make it.

My hope right now is that my daughter is motivated to get better so she can get back to school, get back on track, and get her life back. I fear if she misses another year of school it will all just come crashing down, she won't have the hope and motivation to go on fighting. And it will also take a toll on our family.

Take care!

iwanttolive
brutus94

Hi I just want to thank you for responding. My sister just to clarify is dealing with serious medical conditions. She does not have an eating disorder. But as I did, I understand the adjectives I used in showing understanding for those who feel so helpless. And the fact that my sister isn't thinking clearly because she is malnourished and is so sick. I want her do more to help herself before the ambulance has to come to the house and it is a crisis, instead of being more proactive, but as you said, we have to allow our loved ones make their own choices and pray for health and healing.
I am sorry your daughter continues to be in limbo. It must be very difficult. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus. That is the only way through this.

iwanttolive
Brutus94

Hi. I am wondering how you are all doing? We are living in crazy times. I hope all is well.

iwanttolive

brutus94
My daughter just got in to a

My daughter just got in to a program and is set to start very soon. It is a program she found, researched, and took the lead with insurance coverage, etc. That is a pretty big step for her, but I think she finally got to the point where she realized life was starting to pass her by and she is tired of it. A year ago there is no way she would have even considered such a program. She is already planning to return to school next fall, and she wants to complete this first phase of the program before we go on family vacation in June.

I hope you are doing well. I find that my mood improves when the nice weather rolls around and I can get outside, but times are crazy right now so all is not normal. Anytime I get the chance, I am outside for a walk or a hike.

Take care, and Happy Easter!

iwanttolive
brutus94

That is wonderful news. So happy for all of you. Just be prepared for calls of distress as programs are very difficult though necessary. I will say a prayer for your family. I am blessed to have a Brook in the back of my property so I can take my dog for walks there. We are indeed in a weird time right now. Take care and happy Easter to you as well. Have a good night.

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Dear iwanttolive, We would

Dear iwanttolive, We would like to inform you that we edited your post to remove references to specific Youtube channels, which are not allowed on the forums. You can review our community guidelines here. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to post!

brutus94
Update, hope and encouragement for others......

For any/all who have read my posts in the past, I wanted to give you an update on my daughter as an encouragement. No matter how bad things might seem, they can get better once the person with ED truly has a change of heart and seeks help.

Last year at this time we hit rock bottom and my daughter stayed home from college. It's been a rough year (ok, 4 years) of frustration, disappointment, anger, denial, fear and hope. But earlier this year she finally decided to seek residential treatment on her own. I won't share the details, but suffice to say she took steps and did things that she refused to even talk about in the past. Why? She finally found the motivation and overcame the fear. The physical, emotional, and mood improvements are incredible, and for the first time in years we feel like we are starting to get our kid back. Oh don't get me wrong, there are still feelings of anxiety and it is still a battle.......but now she is choosing to fight to stay on top! While relapse is a concern, she has new tools, experiences, and relationships to help better manage.

We dropped her off at college this weekend (the college she loves) and the reunion with her friends and classmates was a blessing. A beautiful memory to help heel, and a valuable reason to continue to stay on top. Wherever you are in your journey, may the peace and blessing of God be with you and your loved one battling an ED.

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