National Eating Disorders Association

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Need parental advice

Hi, I ‘m new to this community but not new to ED. My dd has engaging in behaviors for 5 years, been in residential 2x-the most recent was this Jan. She went in under her own will(she’s 19), but left AMA after 30 days. She suffers from bulimia and periods of anorexia. She was wanting to get better when she left res last week, saying she was just very lonely there and that was her reason for leaving AMA. She is in IOP now (started last week after a day home) and individual therapy but there’s always a reason why she can’t go. I am Just so sick of living in this world. I know shes engaging in behaviors again because the upheaval has already begun in the house. The combativeness, the inability to have any conversation that isn’t 100% positive and rainbows and ends with her arguing, blaming and then isolating again. I just Don’t know what to do. She quit her job before she left for res because she was too ill and it wasn’t safe. She doesn’t go to school because of the anxiety. She has no friends (LITERALLY) because she has pushed everyone away. There’s not one consequence that I can think of to make her go to iop and therapy because there is nothing left. She has no money, no car and depends on us 100%.
Please help with suggestions. I’m open to ANY! And also would just like support and to know I’m not the only parent suffering like this. My friends don’t understand because they have never lived with a child or anyone really that has an ED. Thank you for listening.

I hear you!

First, let me just say you aren't alone. I hear you, and I understand a lot of what you are saying. I have a 20 year old daughter that is ~4 years into ED. The "upheaval" in the house, pushing friends away, and insensitivity to consequences...…...check, check, and check. The things we have working in our favor right now is she desperately wants to get back to college, and she does have a job. Life with 3 teenagers is stressful enough without this lumped on top. My wife and I are trying to balance work, life, aging parents...….it all takes a toll. So here is my one piece of advice...….make sure to take care of you. Find something you enjoy to help you keep your sanity. For me and my wife, it is going to the gym or walking the dog (which, ironically, is also a stressor b/c our daughter gets upset when she can't go also). Our kids need to chose to accept help to overcome their condition. All we can do is support them when they do, and keep our wits in the mean time. Sorry, I wish I had more answers for us both!

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