National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
London1621

Hello fellow warrior. And friend. I am sorry you continue to have such a battle with the eating disorder, but it is good to see that you want to stop. That is the launching point and then from there with support the journey continues. I know you have felt very low about yourself and your worth. And that you feel you are undeserving of therapy, and/or are afraid of it. I am not sure what is stronger, the fear, or the feeling of not being worthy of it. I want to let you know that you have intrinsic worth and value. God created everyone of us with purpose and intent. He wanted you here and loves you. I love you as much as I can through these posts and this forum. You DO deserve help and even though it may be scary, it can be very helpful.

Have you been able to understand what place the eating disorder serves in your life? As much as we don't understand this they do serve a purpose. Therapy is often a place where that purpose if found out and then worked on and we learn different ways of coping with these issues in our lives.

There are a lot of different ways people cope. Some drink or use drugs. Some hide and stay isolated. There are a myriad of poor coping mechanisms. Those of us on the forum use food and eating disordered behaviors to cope. We are all on different levels of recovery. I want you to know there is hope. For all of us who use any maladaptive form of coping. If we are willing and want the help, in whatever form it is given, we can learn healthier ways of coping and learn to live happier lives.

For me, I am still afraid of relationships of have come to the conclusion that at age fifty-two, I will probably stay single, and I am okay with this. If I wasn't okay with it, I would be working more on this than I am. It may be fear that keeps me from working on it, I am sure there is a mixture there. But for now I am content being single. Right now things in my life are crazy difficult and I have been bumping along with some symptoms but overall I am getting help and doing my best.

I know for you from what you have said you struggle with insecurity and fear. I completely understand. I urge you to get help for these things. You are still so young. Please get the help for the depression and the fears you have with body image and food related issues and the insecurities you have. I don't want you to struggle for as long as I have and did. Life is waiting for us all. It is out there inviting us to engage with it. For all of us, let's grab a hold of the opportunities given to us and embrace this help and love offered. Even if we don't feel the love, embrace the opportunities to get help so that we can experience being loved.

I am proud of you, London1621 for trying, for coming back, for not quitting. You are brave for this and for your desire to want to be well. I love you and pray that you realize your worth and value.

With love,
iwanttolive

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