National Eating Disorders Association

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Not sure what to do at this point

My friend has anorexia, and has been struggling for awhile. I recommended her to NEDA. She didn't even try. I asked her to look into a support group's website. She didn't visit it. She claims she's getting better, but I hear her every time she says "I'm so fat.." and I see her every time she refuses lunch. She won't go to a therapist. And..she seems to think I don't care because I don't talk to her about it. But in actuality, I care so deeply about her health (hence why I'm on this platform) and didn't want to do or say anything that could have the wrong effect. I'm sort of a perfectionist and don't wanna screw this up. I feel so helpless.
Sincerely, Me
Any advice or suggestions are welcome


Hi. I am sorry for your friend's inability to get, receive or see that she needs help, or just is not able to cope with it. There is a parent's tool kit that helps friends and family or parent's know how and or what to say to help a loved one dealing with an eating disorder. And on Monday you can call or chat with a trained volunteer about your situation. For now, sometimes saying anything can be taken the wrong way with someone who is struggling with an eating disorder. So I think you are on the right track when you don't "feed" into your friends obsession. You might want to say that you are concerned for her and will listen if you are able to at this point, but you won't comment on her weight or appearance as it won't help her. It sounds as though you figured this out. It is important that you take care of yourself and if you are feeling in over your head you may want to consider getting some help for yourself in dealing with this. It is very difficult and scary and you shouldn't be the only one involved in helping your friend. It is too much in my opinion for one person to shoulder the responsibility. It is really your friends decision if she gets help or doesn't. Sometimes people are too sick to realize they need help and that is when others need to get involved even when the other person doesn't want that. Eating disorders are dangerous and life threatening so if you feel your friend is at that point, you may want to let someone know of your concerns. Unfortunately if she is over eighteen, no one can force her against her will to get help. That is the tragic thing. Fear plays a big role in why people don't get help. It is scary. There is so much wrapped up in change.
As for you, please take care of yourself and if you need help, don't be afraid to ask for it.

Post anytime you need to.