National Eating Disorders Association

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Clarissat
Thinking about recovery

In highschool I really struggled with eating, binging/purging, over exercise. Basically textbook eating disorder. Half of the time, I only ate what I could burn off and that was just when I ate in front of anyone. The other half, I would binge eat then purge as much as I could. This came in hand with alcohol abuse. And some days, all I had was alcohol. Now I’m in college 2 years later and for a while I felt like I had “gotten rid" of my eating disorders. Truth was, I now realize it's not something I could just get rid of on my own. I no longer exercise excessively but I starting just giving in to my appetite loss from my medication instead of making sure I eat even when I'm not hungry. After a few weeks of that, I got into a fight with my parents (whose house I moved out of that that exact reason) and started purging. And Ive been drinking again. Now I have to admit I am still struggling with food. I hate my relationship with food and want to fix it so that I can eat without feeling guilty but now think about it so much that I binge. I really just want to have a normal relationship with it. The issue is as much as I want to recover, im too afraid to because I don't want to lose control over my weight. I am not an unhealthy weight. I basically have an average body type that I am satisfied with. Ideally, I want to be able to eat the right amount when I’m hungry, and not obsess over food, but that is without giving up control of weight. I know that as long as I have that goal, I can’t recover because my mindset would still be skewed. I don’t know if a therapist would be the best form of treatment, so I feel like a meeting group where I can talk to other people going through the same thing would help me more; however I don’t know of any groups like that where I live. If anyone knows of a way to find groups or a way I can change my goals, I’d really appreciate to hear what you have to say!

_admin_moderator
Welcome!

Hi! Thank you for posting. We’re sorry to hear about what’s going on as it sounds like you're struggling with your relationship with food but it's encouraging that you want to make some changes! We hope that you’re able to get the support you deserve here on the forums! We made some edits as some details might trigger other members of the forum and we do not post personal information such as location here on the forums. Please take a look at our community guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines If you’re looking for resources such as support groups, please feel free to contact the Helpline at (800) 931-2237. The Helpline is open Mondays-Thursdays 9AM-9PM EST and Fridays 9AM-5PM EST. During these hours you can chat with us also by clicking the chat now option at the top right hand corner!  Please continue posting!

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