National Eating Disorders Association

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I'm new to this

Hi, I'm new to this whole recovery thing. I don't know if I really want this to be honest. Somedays I feel like it would be better for me to just disappear. Other days I kind of want help, but no one in my family cares. And if they found out then they would just send me away, saying I was an embarrassment. I don’t have a healthy relationship with food or exercise right now. I just want everything to stop, and to just feel normal and okay. But one problem is that I cannot afford a therapist or any type of recovery programs.
I'm having kind of a rough day. All of my "friends" have been teasing me all day about my weight. I have barely been eating. I have really bad anxiety too, so today, after my afternoon classes, when I was in the locker room, everyone started calling me horrible names I had a full-blown panic/anxiety attack and everyone just laughed and no one would let me leave, and instead started poking at my stomach, continuing to tease me.
I want it all to stop and be able to live like a normal person, but it's so hard when everyone continues to make you feel like absolute trash. I can't even look at food without feeling sick. What can I do to be better?

Edited your post!

Hi kshaye26 - welcome to our forums, and we hope you are able to find some support and resources both here and on our website! Your post had to be edited to comply with our Community Guidelines, which you can see here: Specifics about ED behaviors and weight stigmatizing language are not allowed, as they can be triggering to others. Please continue posting - recovery is possible!

I'm so sorry this happened. I

I'm so sorry this happened. I really am. But just know that no matter your size, you deserve food. It's no different then you deserving air to breathe, and I urge you to tell a trusted adult what happened, they will know what to do

I can’t. There’s no one I can

I can’t. There’s no one I can tell. If I told anyone in my family, then they would brush it off saying I just want attention. There’s only one girl that knows about it, but she’s in college a few hours away so I never get to see her and she’s always really busy so we don’t talk too much either. Is there a way to get over this without getting anyone else involved?

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