National Eating Disorders Association

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
alwaysthinking
I ate!! :)

Finally! It helped when I was driving to my eating disorder therapist today, which is a 2-hour drive by the way, because I was able to process a lot of stuff. I was finally able to get my brain back on track. I have been so focused on what people haven't been doing for me or what I think they should be doing for me ever since my friend in the congregation died. I was allowing myself to wallow in self-pity and be very selfish, which really is not like me. And I got really caught up in that to the extent that I was allowing myself to lose sight of the bigger picture. Even though last night I finally got to the point where I was able to realize that all that really matters is what I need to be doing for others, I was still majorly depressed and feeling very worthless and feeling like I am a burden to others and a nuisance anytime I ask for help. So I still was not feeling like recovery was worth it. But after finally being able to have my brain go round and round and round and process more, I was finally able to get to the right place and I broke down in tears and prayed to Jehovah God in a very Earnest prayer. And by the time I got up to the city where my therapist is, it was around snack time for me and I still had a little bit of time before my appointment, so I decided to go to McDonald's and get something for a snack. And when I got home I had supper and I also had my evening snack. Because bottom line, as I had realized when I was in the inpatient Hospital back in September, and as I have known before, I can't help other people - do the ministry, help my friends in the congregation, help anyone for that matter - if I'm not eating. So even if I still struggle with self-love on a daily basis, I can at least use my love for everyone else to try my hardest to remind me that eating is worth it. I know it's not going to be easy. This eating disorder has become a way to cope with so many different things now. But that's why I have a therapist. She's aware of my many many issues, and we are going to start working on self-love. So for now, I'm doing okay. I have planned for early tomorrow morning to go to Walmart and get some groceries so I can have some decent meals for the next week or so. I also put in my next week's schedule the days when I need to go to the produce market and food pantry. I hope I will be able to follow through with that. Depression and bipolar and borderline personality disorder are so fickle. I can make the greatest plans and then they really screw up all of them at the most awful times. But I keep trying and I keep relying on Jehovah and that's all I really can do. He's gotten me through absolutely awful times and I know as long as I continue to rely on him he will continue getting me through these times.

iwanttolive
Hi

Hi there. I just went to write to you and it is so good to hear of your report. I know it isn't easy. I too am struggling with depression and overeating and PTSD stuff. My experience at the hospital was so horrible I am still having such a difficult time dealing with it. I want you to know how proud I am of you, how concerned I have been, and I know recovery is a process. Keep on keepn' on. One dae at a time. Stay close to our heavenly Father. He's got you.

Blue44
alwaysthinking

It’s good to hear that yesterday was better. How are you doing today?

alwaysthinking
Saturday

Saturday started really well and around 2 I could tell that things were not doing the greatest because my brain did its thing again and I knew that I needed to pray to try to cope with stuff because I knew that it was trying to hide something that I needed to process. And later I ended up having a flashback and now I'm back to not eating again. I really hate this disorder.

Blue44
I hate the disorder also

Hi alwaysthinking, I’m sorry that yesterday got hard. Maybe today will go better for you. Take care. Sending you a hug.

NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.

Resources