National Eating Disorders Association

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I ate!! :)

Finally! It helped when I was driving to my eating disorder therapist today, which is a 2-hour drive by the way, because I was able to process a lot of stuff. I was finally able to get my brain back on track. I have been so focused on what people haven't been doing for me or what I think they should be doing for me ever since my friend in the congregation died. I was allowing myself to wallow in self-pity and be very selfish, which really is not like me. And I got really caught up in that to the extent that I was allowing myself to lose sight of the bigger picture. Even though last night I finally got to the point where I was able to realize that all that really matters is what I need to be doing for others, I was still majorly depressed and feeling very worthless and feeling like I am a burden to others and a nuisance anytime I ask for help. So I still was not feeling like recovery was worth it. But after finally being able to have my brain go round and round and round and process more, I was finally able to get to the right place and I broke down in tears and prayed to Jehovah God in a very Earnest prayer. And by the time I got up to the city where my therapist is, it was around snack time for me and I still had a little bit of time before my appointment, so I decided to go to McDonald's and get something for a snack. And when I got home I had supper and I also had my evening snack. Because bottom line, as I had realized when I was in the inpatient Hospital back in September, and as I have known before, I can't help other people - do the ministry, help my friends in the congregation, help anyone for that matter - if I'm not eating. So even if I still struggle with self-love on a daily basis, I can at least use my love for everyone else to try my hardest to remind me that eating is worth it. I know it's not going to be easy. This eating disorder has become a way to cope with so many different things now. But that's why I have a therapist. She's aware of my many many issues, and we are going to start working on self-love. So for now, I'm doing okay. I have planned for early tomorrow morning to go to Walmart and get some groceries so I can have some decent meals for the next week or so. I also put in my next week's schedule the days when I need to go to the produce market and food pantry. I hope I will be able to follow through with that. Depression and bipolar and borderline personality disorder are so fickle. I can make the greatest plans and then they really screw up all of them at the most awful times. But I keep trying and I keep relying on Jehovah and that's all I really can do. He's gotten me through absolutely awful times and I know as long as I continue to rely on him he will continue getting me through these times.


Hi there. I just went to write to you and it is so good to hear of your report. I know it isn't easy. I too am struggling with depression and overeating and PTSD stuff. My experience at the hospital was so horrible I am still having such a difficult time dealing with it. I want you to know how proud I am of you, how concerned I have been, and I know recovery is a process. Keep on keepn' on. One dae at a time. Stay close to our heavenly Father. He's got you.


It’s good to hear that yesterday was better. How are you doing today?


Saturday started really well and around 2 I could tell that things were not doing the greatest because my brain did its thing again and I knew that I needed to pray to try to cope with stuff because I knew that it was trying to hide something that I needed to process. And later I ended up having a flashback and now I'm back to not eating again. I really hate this disorder.

I hate the disorder also

Hi alwaysthinking, I’m sorry that yesterday got hard. Maybe today will go better for you. Take care. Sending you a hug.

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