National Eating Disorders Association

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Rebecca53
I'm falling back to Ana

I'm a fourteen year old female in high school. I started starving myself by means of weight loss when I was 12. For years, no one knew I was suffering from anorexia, that is, until May of this year. I lost a significant amount of weight and was hospitalized. I don't remember much about it, but that's when they diagnosed me with anorexia and that's when my family found out how much I was hurting myself. Aside from routinely starving myself, I self harmed and had attempted suicide. The doctors there recommended sending me to outpatient therapy, and getting a psychiatrist. I did both and after a few months of really hard work, I remained on my meds, but was released from therapy and started living a somewhat normal life again. But I can tell things are about to start going downhill again. I'm starting to feel extremely self conscious about my body again since I'm finally in the correct weight range for my height. I've been starting to restrict myself again and I even went a day without eating anything at all last week. It still feels different though, the last time this happened, I wanted to eat really badly and I didn't really have that much of a negative opinion on food, other than the fact that I didn't like what it did to me. Now, I'm hungry, but I'm absolutely disgusted by the thought of eating or even looking at food. I know I'm going to end up falling back into anorexia, but I really really don't want to. I'm going to hurt myself worse than last time if I do, because now I know what to do to hide it better. I need help but I don't feel like I can ask for it since I finished therapy and I don't want to disappoint my family members. Do you have any advise?

(on a side note, therapy never really helped me because I would just lie about everything so that my therapist wouldn't question anything)

_admin_moderator
Dear Rebecca53, welcome to

Dear Rebecca53, welcome to the forums. Since you mentioned self-harm and some concerning feelings, we wanted to make sure to post information about resources you can access if you need to reach out for support:

 We also slightly edited your post to remove mentions of specific numbers per our community guidelines which can be reviewed here: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelinesIn the event that you need further assistance, please do not hesitate to call the NEDA helpline at 1-800-931-2237 (Monday-Thursday 9:00am-9:00pm, Friday 9:00am-5:00pm EST). You are not alone. Please continue posting, and take care.

Alexo_eats
Rebecca53

I can relate with desires not to eat, but have you ever asked yourself why? Are you hiding from your emotions by numbing yourself out by starving? Second I think honesty is EXTREMELY important. By being honest to your team you are building a network of support, even friends. It took me a long time to trust my team, especially my dietitian even though she is a wonderful amazing person. But when you lie to your team you lie to yourself. How can you be happy when you lie to yourself? I promise you don't want to live with an ED. So many fun experiences are kidnapped by ED. I know the temptation to fall back to ED is so strong. But maybe talking to someone about your desires will help. It doesn't even have to be a professional, it could be a friend, it could be me. Just get it out. Your family members won't be disappointed, they will be proud you reached out for help. Keep me updated. I hope you find some support. :) Sending you love and support.

Alexo

Miggi
I would advise talking to

I would advise talking to your therapist or notifying a family member that you are struggling again, stay strong my friend!

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