National Eating Disorders Association

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alwaysthinking
What am I doing?

What am I doing to myself? I had disordered behaviors before vacation, extremely disordered behaviors during vacation, and the last two days, I haven't eaten at all, plus I've been over exercising again. (Don't know if this is allowed to be said) Now, today, I feel awful, very dizzy every time I stand, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel guilty if I eat; I feel guilty if I don't eat. I truly feel like there's no way to win. I'm so miserable. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, and my trauma therapist Thursday, and my e.d. therapist Friday. But the crazy thing is, I honestly don't care if any of them can help. I don't feel like I CAN be helped anymore. It just feels hopeless. I don't even feel like I should be on this forum, because I'm not sure I'm working towards recovery anymore. A big part of me just doesn't care about it. It doesn't feel worth it. Ok, bottom line, I don't feel worth it. My self-worth is practically nil right now. I don't know what to do.

_admin_moderator
Alwaysthinking

Hello, we're sorry to hear that you're feeling worthless and not deserving of help. Here at NEDA we believe everyone deserves help through their treatment journey, no matter what stage someone may be at or how long they've been experiencing disordered behaviors. We know that you're seeing some professionals tomorrow, Thursday and Friday, but we still wanted to offer some resources for the time until then. Please remember that you are welcomed to call the NEDA Helpline for someone to talk to when you're feeling down. The NEDA Helpline's number is (800)941-2237 and is available Monday-Thursday from 9AM to 9PM ET and Friday from 9AM to 5PM ET.Below will be some other resources you might want to check out

Additionally, since you mentioned feeling dizzy when you stand up, we wanted to post the medical emergency signs and symptoms:The following are just some of the signs of a serious problem that demands immediate medical attention:

  • accidentally or deliberately caused themselves a physical injury
  • become suicidal
  • confused thinking and is not making any sense
  • delusions (false beliefs) or hallucinations (experiencing things that aren’t there)
  • disoriented; doesn’t know what day it is, where they are or who they are
  • vomiting several times a day or has uncontrollable vomiting or diarrhea
  • experiencing dizziness or fainting spells
  • too weak to walk or collapses
  • painful muscle spasms
  • experience pain in the lower legs
  • complaining of chest pain or having trouble breathing
  • blood in their bowel movements, urine or vomit
  • a body mass index (BMI) of less than 16
  • an irregular heartbeat, and fast heartbeat, or very low heart beat (less than 50 beats per minute)
  • cold or clammy skin indicating a low body temperature or has a body temperature of less than 35 degrees Celsius/95 degrees Fahrenheit
  • experience dizziness, nausea, fever
  • wounds/cuts heal slowly
  • feel tingling in the hands or feet
  • blurred vision

If you experience anything above, we highly recommend seeking help from a medical professional as soon as possible. Seek medical help soon on an outpatient basis if you:

  • have significant heartburn and/or a burning sensation after eating
  • have other gastrointestinal concerns
  • have high blood pressure
  • struggle with significant joint or muscle pain
  • have difficulty sleeping (falling and/or remaining asleep)
  • struggle with fatigue, sudden weight gain, and/or hair loss
  • have frequent urination or unquenchable thirst
  • have gained and lost significant weight repeatedly
  • have gained significant weight in a short period of time
  • struggle with chronic diarrhea or constipation

 

alwaysthinking
100℅

So... I have definitely been struggling a lot, obviously, and yesterday was just awful. Today was kind of a combination of moods. I saw my psychiatrist, and he's changing one of my meds, which hopefully will help. I didn't eat prior to my afternoon appointment, but I did decide to eat once I returned home. I had a few return visits I had to make first, for my ministry work, so it was late afternoon once I was able to do this. Thing is, by this time, I was having some major dizzy spells, and a couple of times, I wasn't sure where the world was. (I almost blacked out) I kept saying to myself, come on, body, hang in there, I'll feed you in just a bit. You have to wait till I get home, though. Even once I did have my snack, I still didn't feel the greatest. But... Here's the best part - I did have supper. I ordered from a restaurant and brought it home, because I still needed a few more food items to fit my meal plan. I ate 100℅ of my meal plan!! So, yes, I know it will be a daily struggle. Yes, I know this won't be easy. My e.d. therapist is going to try to call the PHP place when I see her Friday, and I just hope that whatever happens, Jehovah God continues to help me, as He has been. I know He loves me, and I am so grateful for His love and blessings. I really do want to get better, for His sake, and so I can do the ministry again full-time. I love Him and it too much to keep listening to the voices from the past. All I can do is try.