National Eating Disorders Association

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jester
Scared

I did a good job yesterday, eating what I was craving and eating more food when I was hungry even after I had eaten. But today I am anxious. I woke up in a bad mood and decided to eat a fear food because I was already miserable so it couldn't get much worse. But I feel really crummy, and have just generalized eating disorder fear telling me eating is bad and food is scary and restricting is good. I think there is other stuff affecting my mood too (not anything specific I can think of though), but my eating disorder is angry at me for eating. I think I need to just let today be a bad day and I can feel better another time... Hopefully surviving having eating scary food will just reinforce that it doesn't need to be scary, but right now it doesn't feel that way. :(

alwaysthinking
Sorry

Sorry you're going thru this. I don't know what else to say, because I am struggling, myself, but I'm here for you. Hang in there. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

lovetowrite81
Jester

I'm sorry it's been a difficult day. I can definitely relate with a lot of these feelings around fear foods and the anxiety. It is a very uncomfortable spot to be in that doesn't feel good- but it does pass. Some days are just tougher than others and ED is louder, but tomorrow is a new day. I hope that you continue updating us on how you're doing, you're not alone <3

Rose99
Jester, I am right there with

Jester, I am right there with you. More recently, I’ve kind of had the same mind set- like “it can’t get any worse, throw something at the ED for opposite action” and then the after effects are so intense... I have to believe that the struggle is what makes us stronger. I’ve also learned through PHP and IOP, that its okay to not always push myself so hard- including perfectionism in recovery. Perfectionism is a quality that has driven my ED for 22 years- and I’m emotionally torn up when I’m doing all the steps so I can be “perfect” in recovery, yet my ED thoughts haven’t dissipated enough to sit and be okay with my actions. Taking on too many fear foods in a day or weekend sends me into a tailspin. All I can say, is one day at a time. For certain, some days are better than others, but as long as we are generally walking in the direction of recovery, we are recovery warriors that do indeed deserve better than what our EDs would like us to believe. We got this!