National Eating Disorders Association

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katymacie
Not sick enough

Hello again! I don't really know what I'm looking for out of posting this but I guess I'm just trying to put my confusion into words. Since going back to college things have not been going great, I've lost definitely more weight than I should have and, while I know that I am probably "sick," the fact that I had weight restored over the summer means that despite my weight loss I am not underweight. It's been decided by my family that I should go to a school closer to home next semester so that I can focus more on treatment, I am so scared to actually go back to my treatment team because they might tell me they can't help me because my weight isn't low enough. I just feel like this is such an unnecessary thing to be having to worry about on top of everything else, but I can't even really tell if it's an ED thought or a legitimate concern because in my last relapse I did have a doctor tell me I didn't need help because my BMI was normal. I know that going back to treatment, and probably something more intense than the regular outpatient I had been going to, is probably a good idea if I really want this recovery thing to stick once and for all, but I'm just so nervous about being rejected and invalidated.

alwaysthinking
Treatment

It's not supposed to matter what your BMI is whether or not you get treatment. What matters is what your habits are and what your symptoms are. I went into inpatient recently and my BMI says I'm obese. But I was having symptoms that put me at an Extreme risk because I wasn't eating anything. So if you feel that you are needing help, find the people that are willing to help you. I'm sorry that you are feeling invalidated because no one deserves that. Take care and I hope you keep posting.

curly.m18
Will this ever end?

I want to get better. I want to change, but every time I'm given the opportunity, I can't seem to find a good enough reason to. It feels like nothing I do will ever matter because I've always been this way. I know others have told me why I should want change, but those reasons don't truly speak to me. I feel like I've been stuck in this trap for years and I don't know how to let myself get out. I go to therapy and see a nutritionist, and for a little bit there seems to be a glimpse of hope, but throughout the week the hope fades away into nothingness. All I have left is numbness and the struggle to connect with anyone including myself. I really do want to change, but I can't make myself feel that way during meals. My biggest fear is spending my whole life struggling with the same problems without ever overcoming them.

_admin_moderator
Resources

Hi, curly.m18. Getting treatment and the road to recovery is not easy but it's encouraging that you are seeing professionals and that you want to get better. Just because you mentioned some concerning feelings we wanted to provide you with addititional resources in case you need some extra support:

Please take care and continue posting.

iwanttolive
katymacie

Hi. I am sorry that things are difficult for you and while in college. As alwaysthinking said, getting help should be more focused on what is going on in your thoughts, behaviors, your fears and concerns. The BMI is an unfortunate item in the diagnosing of eating disorders and some doctors do use it as an indicator as to how much a person needs help. In my opinion, those doctors need to be fired. They are not listening to the patient's concerns and how they are feeling. A BMI isn't going to measure the amount of distress someone is in or what troubles they are facing. I would suggest you go to another doctor. Even if you go to a therapist, you can talk about your difficulties with eating and fears regarding this area of your life and the impact it is having. Some hospitals unfortunately do not admit patient's who do not have a certain BMI. I believe again that this is wrong. For me, I was admitted many times based not only on my BMI but my symptoms, by state of mind, my health; a lot more than a BMI can tell a physician. I hope you get the help you need. And deserve. Again, I am sorry you are struggling, just know that there is Hope and recovery is possible. Hang in there and keep us updated.

iwanttolive