National Eating Disorders Association

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alwaysthinking
Food

I'm really struggling with food and my attitude toward it right now. I've resorted to e.d. behaviors all week, and I see my e.d. therapist tomorrow, who I know is not going to be thrilled to see my food records. I'm sure she's going to say I need higher level care, like PHP, and I agree, but trying to get one to accept me is another thing entirely. But I also leave for vacation Saturday, so maybe by the time I return, I'll be able to do better...or worse, the way I've been feeling recently, I'm afraid it will ebb more toward the worse side. I hate that I've slipped so quickly since discharge from inpatient. I know my biggest problem is self-worth. Any time I manage to eat, even when restricting, immediately, my thoughts gravitate to, "I don't deserve this." I'm so tired of this!! I really hope vacation changes things for me and helps me get out of my head, so I can start living again.

Alexo_eats
Don't Deserve this

Why do you think you don't deserve to eat. Food isn't about deserving it. You simply need food to live. Our bodies are so amazing all the processes, from circulation of blood to digestion. I feel the same way sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to eat. But the fact is YOU need to eat. Food is medicine. You don't say I don't deserve your medicine so why do you say it about your food? I hope this line of thinking helps you. Keep in touch! Solider on my friend. You are strong, beautiful and deserving!

Alexo

alwaysthinking
Father

It comes from my father, who basically told me I don't deserve anything good. He's a moron, I know, and I know it's not true. I just feel like a failure when I eat, because it means I'm doing something wrong, as usual, something he told me not to do.

Alexo_eats
Alwaysthinking

My dad can be a moron too. I think a good tip is don't let your self-worth be based on what others say. Remember at the end of the day what you think/believe matters the most. It's easier said then done, but sometimes it nice to hear someone tell you that its so. Stay strong, beautiful.

Alexo

alwaysthinking
Thx

I wish it were that easy. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I appreciate your kind words, though.