National Eating Disorders Association

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Frustrated with my weight

I know that my weight has probably gotten higher from overeating and using food to cope with pain and negative feelings.
But even before that, when I was following the meal plan my dietician gave me, according to the BMI I have been overweight. I’ve been following the meal plan the last few days with no behaviors. But I really want to cut out “extra” on my meal plan and just have three meals a day and get my weight down. I know this is probably disordered thinking though and I guess it would be going back to restrictive behavior which isn’t the answer.
I think the weight I’m at is where my set point naturally falls. I got my yearly physical recently and all the bloodwork was good. My blood sugar and cholesterol are right where they need to be. So I’m healthy even at this higher weight. (Minus the chronic pain and health issues that aren’t weight related).
I’m struggling so badly with the fact that my body naturally falls at a higher weight. I know I’m a woman and our bodies change as we get older, I’m not going look the same as when I was younger. Even then I only looked that way because of my eating disorder.
I feel like everyone will think I’m ugly and fat at this weight, it’s how I feel about myself too. I’m struggling to not turn back to restrictive or compensatory behaviors to reduce my weight to what I (or the BMI) think it should be. The fact is, if I’m healthy at this higher weight, then the only reason to try and lose would be psychological. This is so hard and I’m tired.

I get it

I totally understand. I hate that BMI measuring system. It is so stupid to say the least. It was made only for insurance companies and takes so little into account. Like you said, your blood work and so much else shows that you are healthy. Try to focus on that. I know, your eating disorder brain is telling you otherwise, and it's not easy, but still, try. This Society is so blasted focused on weight and outward appearances. You are so much more than that. Try to look Inward and see all of your wonderful qualities that have nothing to do with how you look. You know that your eating disorder is what is skewing your vision right now. I'm sorry that it is lying to you and I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. Hang in there. Here for you.

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