National Eating Disorders Association

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tryingtobebrave
Really hard to admit this

I thought I was doing well in recovery despite struggling with medication changes and severe chronic pain, because I haven’t been using restrictive or compensatory behaviors. I feel so ashamed to say this, but I’ve been using food to cope with my chronic pain. Overeating and snacking all day, more than my meal plan, even if I’m not hungry or my stomach hurts I’ve been turning to food when things feel too much mentally and physically. I’m so embarrassed about this. It’s also hard to say this here because it means I have to start holding myself accountable and not using food to cope. I want to crawl in a hole I’m so ashamed.
I also feel like a nut job with medication changes. I just saw the psychiatrist who took me off the med I took for insomnia and has me taking my antidepressant at night instead. But I can’t sleep more than a few hours at night now. I just feel like I’m losing it from lack of sleep and adjusting to the medication changes. I’m trying to tell myself she said it takes time to adjust and this will pass, and if not I can contact her sooner than my next appointment. But I hate feeling like I’m losing my grip, it makes me feel like I have no control over myself or anything and that just makes me want to turn to food even more.
Then, not this coming week, but the week after, my parents hired people to remodel the two bathrooms in our house. I hate having people in the house, especially strangers. This is the one place I’m able to relax and not have to be put together but it’s different with people in the house for four days. The mornings are easier to get out but I’m not magically going to be able to physically function well enough to stay out the whole day just because I don’t want to be around strangers at the house. I’m going to make a big sign on my door that says “out of bounds, do not enter”... (only half joking). This is also really stressful.
Sorry for complaining so much I had to get this off my chest.

alwaysthinking
Stressful

I'm so sorry. It does sound stressful, and I understand that many times we use food as a coping mechanism. I'm glad you were able to be open and honest about it. I hope you are able to maintain some level of privacy during this time and feel safe. Hang in there. I'm here for you.

Blue44
tryingtobebrave

Sorry to hear that you are struggling. Don’t be ashamed that you are struggling with eating behaviors. Most of us on this forum struggle in some way. It is brave of you to admit your struggle. Keep trying. I know it’s hard. I hope you can adjust to your medicine soon and get better sleep. Take care.