National Eating Disorders Association

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alwaysthinking
Trying to be brave

How are you doing? Haven't heard a new post from you for a while so I just wondered if things are okay.

tryingtobebrave
Hi

Thanks for checking in. I’ve been doing okay-ish. I’m struggling cognitively from my new antidepressant, it’s hard to adjust and I recently had to increase the dose. I saw my psychiatrist this morning who said to just give it time. I just feel really dissociative all the time. I’m struggling a lot pain wise and I’ve been using food to cope with it. It’s like I’m angry that eating (chewing) causes so much pain so I snack all day, not binging but overeating, as some kind of retaliation or something, or because the taste of the snacks is something different to focus on than the pain. I know it’s not good to use food to cope though so I’m trying not to have more than I need unless I’m actually hungry. It’s been hard not to, especially in the afternoon, and I feel so ashamed of it. A year ago I was terrified of food, and I still have disordered thoughts at times but now I’m at the opposite end of it. I feel really embarrassed even saying that here. I feel like a failure, like I’m failing my eating disorder and having really negative thoughts around that but I’m trying to seperate the ED thoughts from my own thoughts. Hopefully this makes sense, my thoughts are really jumbled from adjusting to the new medication. Trial and error with meds is frustrating.

alwaysthinking
Understandable

I totally get it. An eating disorder is an eating disorder no matter what behaviors we use. I have fluctuated so much with various behaviors whether restricting or overeating or various other behaviors that fall into categories. I get the feeling of being a failure because I'm feeling like that on a daily basis. I'm sorry that you're struggling and I hope that as you adjust to your med that things will improve. Take care. Hang in there