National Eating Disorders Association

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BitterMeringue
Giving up my runs for now...

It’s become dyer with my weight loss at this point and I think my next weigh in will determine weather I’m admitted into inpatient or not. I really want to avoid this as it would be detrimental to my grades. I haven’t exactly been eating more but I have stopped going for my run once a day. I doubt that run was even substantial but I still feel disgusted and angry with myself for putting a halt to this part of my exercise routine. I’m still doing high-intensity workouts X times a day but I still feel extreme guilt. How can I deal with this feeling? Should I go back to running? I feel lost and scared. Will I lose the toned look i’ve obtained? I really need some answers or link to articles that could help me with these thoughts, thanks <3

TimeToShine
I know what you mean

I'm a swimmer and when I was sick, I lost my anorexic body and I hated myself so much. Then I got it back. I'm in recovery currently and trust me, the first couple of weeks\ month was hard. But you seem strong enough to power through. I would slowly introduce running back into your routine (don't do crazy amounts, take baby steps.) I know it will be hard, but you can do it! Keep us posted on how things go <3 TimeToShine

julesthefox
Maybe getting a higher level

Maybe getting a higher level of care could help. It sounds like the ED voice is really strong. If it helps, try to think of how much more you could be doing with your day, with your life if you were able to give up the compulsive exercise. Think of how much your grades and academic performance would improve! EDs have a way of robbing us of everything we care about in life. But it’s a vicious cycle because they make us feel like there is nothing to care about but them. That is NOT true. You are so much more. One of the things that most specialists recommend is giving up all forms of exercise when beginning ED recovery. It is terrifying, I have been there. But as the above poster said, once you get further into recovery and weight restoration, you can work to slowly reintegrate healthy exercise into your life; exercise that strengthens and fulfills rather than punishes and robs of vital energy. You will be strong again. It will take time, but you can do it. That being said, sometimes it’s easier to have the support of a team when making such drastic changes in your life. You mentioned being worried about what that would do to your grades. Let me be the first to tell you that school can wait; it’s always there. You and your health take priority any day of the week. Personally, I missed the majority of my first semester freshman year of college due to seeking treatment, and I do not regret a second of it. It may feel detrimental at the time, but looking back, I’d never be where I am now had I tried to stick with school at that time. EDs rob us of time, energy, and even thinking. It’s impossible to focus with a malnourished brain! After I began recovery, it was so much easier to succeed in all of my classes and pursue my true passions. And I know the same can be true for you. Don’t lose hope. It will seem long, but if I can do it (I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree this year) so can you. Take care of yourself, your body, and your mind. And the life you truly want will follow. You can do this. Seek that support. You are worth it. Julesthefox

BitterMeringue
Thank you

Your post really helped to quite some of my anxiety’s and allowed me to look at things in a different light!
Thank you so much!<3

_admin_moderator
Editing note

Hello! We slightly edited your post as there was detailed mention of some behaviors that might be triggering for other members of the forum. Please make sure to take a look at our community guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines. Thank you for understanding and please keep posting!