National Eating Disorders Association

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c2000
Considering Recovery

so this is my first time posting here, and i hope its okay. i’ve struggled with an eating disorder since i was 13 (now 18, will be 19 in september). its been a combination of everything, but predominantly restricting. ive had on and off self recovery periods since i was 16. last year in december, i finally reached out and spoke to my doctor, and was referred to an ed clinic. i tried to keep it quiet from my dad and stepmum, as i was scared of how they would react, but they found a letter i’d received. they were confused, and essentially told me that i dont need the help because of my weight (currently overweight, only been actually underweight once in my life). i met my boyfriend a month later, and just fell into recovery without even realising it. but around 3 weeks ago i began yet another relapse, and its scaring me. i dont want to lose the life i have, and to be completely happy i need to let go of my eating disorder and everything attached to it. i’m too scared to go back to the doctor, so self recovery seems the best road to go down. i need to know ir is possible, and how. i cant take doing this recovery/relapse/recovery relapse cycle anymore and i’m ready for it to end. my body is ready for it to end, but my brain isnt. how can i change this ? any help or advice will be so so appreciated.

Elvira
Sorry you’re going though this

The best thing for me has been a support system. Your dad and stepmom don’t seem like the best option for that right now (maybe you could explain it more to them? Or show them that weight isn’t the be all end all criteria for EDs?) How supportive is your boyfriend? Your friends? Can you ask one of them to keep you accountable as you begin this journey? Recovery sucks in general but having someone who can come along side you is great. I know you think self recovery is what’s best but please check with your doctor. You don’t want to miss anything and he or she might be able to give you some simple nutrition advise or refer you to someone who can.
It’s going to be hard, but this community is here to support you<3