National Eating Disorders Association

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alwaysthinking
Getting excited/scared

So I leave in 12 hours approximately and I'm getting really excited about it. I really want to get better and stay better this time and I'm hoping that this is the answer. I've also looked into a PHP program that's 2 hours away and even though it will be exhausting for the hours that they have for the program I really want to be able to do that for follow-up if possible. I'm just tired of this disorder taking control of my life when I want to be the one in control with God in the driver's seat. So I'm really excited because this is my life and I want it back. And also because I love driving and this is a 8 hour drive basically. And at the same time I'm scared. The intake lady said that there's a chance that the ER might not think that I need it for insurance purposes and I might have to come all the way back home. I think that's a bunch of hooey. I'm not too worried about it because I know I've had enough screwy medical problems that it should prove that I need inpatient. I'm also scared because I tried eating lunch today and that alone with that portion still freaks me out. I'm still fighting the urge to compensate for it. So I worry about how I'm going to be able to be compliant with meals when I'm on the unit. I want to be honest with myself and not eat just because they tell me to. Because once I'm back home , if I feel the same way and really didn't resolve anything then I'll just go back to doing the same thing. Sorry this is so long I feel like I'm rambling now. But still excited and very anticipatory about tomorrow.

CASACERA
No apology necessary

Can I quote you?
"I want to be honest with myself and not eat just because they tell me to. Because once I'm back home, if I feel the same way and really didn't resolve anything then I'll just go back to doing the same thing." If you tell them just what you've told us, you've got it! CC

Blue44
Best Wishes

I hope that everything will go well for you tomorrow and that you will be admitted. Have a safe drive. That’s a long trip. Keep us updated when you can. Thinking of you

alwaysthinking
Thx

Thank you everyone for your support

lovetowrite81
Alwaysthinking

Hi Alwaysthinking-

Just wanted to show my support- I am hopeful that you will be able to get in and this will the starting point of being able to get your life back! You are so deserving of full, lasting recovery- and I am excited for you! I will be praying of you and thinking of you <3

Lovetowrite81

tryingtobebrave
You got this

I’m so glad you’re close to getting the help you need. I agree with what CC said in regards to your fear of eating because they tell you to then struggling once your home- be upfront with your team about this fear. I struggled after IOP because of that same reason.
I believe in you. You’re very brave.