National Eating Disorders Association

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tryingtobebrave
Better day

First, I want to apologize for not being around as often to lend support, I feel badly about that. Giving and receiving support and being a part of this community gives some purpose/ meaning to me right now while my life is on pause until surgery in March when I get back some quality of life and can function better. I haven’t been around because I’ve been having really bad sensory overload. The best way I can describe it light and sound physically hurt. This is a lingering effect of a brain injury from five years ago that healed but left a couple symptoms that I was told will probably stick around. But I’m grateful they don’t pop up too often anymore.
I’ve really been struggling with depression lately, mostly due to pain and just getting so tired of pushing through everyday. I don’t force myself to do a whole lot, but I do need to do things to take care of my physical and mental health at the very least and even that is draining at the moment. Sometimes March seems years away and I just want to crawl in a hole. I’ve been having urges and acted on behaviors a couple times probably due to this and seeing my weight recently.
Today was a good day, though. Less pain than usual. I had a really good and insightful therapy session. I was even up to getting coffee with a friend after. The eating disorder wanted me to use this as an opportunity to skip lunch. But my best friend, despite the fact that he’s 45 years older than me, is such a kind and understanding person, we have so much in common and I feel joy whenever we spend time together. So I went ahead and had lunch. I have an issue with eating too quickly- not really disorder related, just a habit I picked up when I was younger to get done and away quickly and never got rid of. The issue is sometimes, like today, I actually wanted to keep ordering more and eating, it was very hard to stop myself. But I did it. And I beyond the food I had little anxiety, felt happier and more and peace today than I have in a long time. I feel a lot of hope. And hope is what keeps me going right now, so I’m grateful for days like today. They make the pain and bad days worth fighting through.

alwaysthinking
Glad

I'm glad you're able to have a better day and don't worry about not being able to give the support when you're trying to take care of yourself. Remember the old saying you can't pour from An Empty Glass. I have my own saying. Recently and a year ago , I was trying to pour from an empty glass with a hole in both ends. It's good that you're wanting to give support and we know that you're here with us in spirit. But when you are in so much pain you also have to do what you can to alleviate that. So just do what you can and contribute to others when you're able. But I'm glad that you were able to have an enjoyable time with your best friend. Post when you're able to and contribute to others when you're able to.

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