National Eating Disorders Association

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Anyone have BED?

Here right now because I don't WANT to turn to food. How do I stop the addiction that I have to continue to partake of to live, and once started catapults me down a rabbits hole like in Alice In Wonderland? The world looks at me and says "CC you don't Have a problem, you look healthy and normal". Have no idea of my struggle every day to be and look that way. I have the gnawing right now. When I don't it's like I'm back, free from the tap on my shoulder. Free again! Folks talk about hating themselves. I don't. I just hate this disorder. CC


So, even though right now I'm dealing with anorexia, I've kind of had an eating disorder mentality since I was 12. It never truly manifested itself as anorexia until two and a half years ago. Prior to that however oh, several years ago when I was in college and for a few years after that , even though I didn't have BED, I was struggling with being a compulsive overeater. Struggling is the main word here , but sometimes what helped me get past the struggles was prayer and the power that God gives me, thinking of a higher purpose such as a reason not to give in. Also if I was able to occupy myself in a very Mindful and pleasant activity then this would distract me enough that I didn't compulsively overeat. Maybe you've done all of this and to no avail but I know that those were things that helped me at times. So I feel your struggle because I have been there to a degree. And we are united in the same way even if not it's in the the exact same way oh, if that makes any sense whatsoever. As always, here for you. Take care.

ATK started (similar)1 yr. older than you

Actually between 13-14. Hit like a thunderbolt, within one week. Terrible puberty anxiety. Nobody home after school. So many questions, so confused. Very puritanical time in the late 1940's early 50's. Only food was there to stop this terrible angst. Yes, you're right "done all this" I'm with you ATK. People have different struggles, I guess this is mine. I just only talk about it except where I know folks "get it". CC

Here for you

I know how tiring fighting the eating disorder can be, CC. I had BED from 19-21 before developing anorexia at 25 and after finishing treatment at some point last fall/ winter, I struggled with binging and purging, so I definitely get the binging side of it. For me it’s an emotional escape, a way to both lose control and numb out. Ultimately I think there’s always the emotional or situational etc triggers behind using the behaviors. Even when you’ve identified your triggers, you can’t always predict what daily stressors will come up and make you want to turn to food.i totally get it. Sorry this was long, basically, i hear you and I’m here for you.

TTBB, thank you

After 15 yrs. very involved in a program you all know of. (didn't help long term for me or any of my many friends). BUT loved the people and the slogans. You can always find successes in ANY system but then the vast numbers say it all. Programs get into lingo, slogans phrases that mean different things to people as we've all got our own life history and DNA etc. I am a grazer. I do not eat huge amounts of one thing or of any one food as I love the healthy foods every bit as much as any others. My fear is weight gain as I never have or would not throw up. The Serenity Prayer is very present at that moment. I realize I can't change what I've done (the past) but ask myself "what can I do right now to make the situation better? to feel better?" And I also tell myself "every healthy moment away from this last food spasm I will feel better and better, and what can I do to avoid and protect myself from the "situations" as you said. My "trigger" is planning, preparing and eating food. Since I'm going to have to continue doing this, keeping my conscious mind aware as I eat and think more about the food I am eating. Look, taste smell. Small bites, slowly. (got a lot of teeth problems). My reality is that eating food (all kinds) puts me in a special pleasure space. The professionals have terms like my mind's in an "alternate" space but my late husband had said to our children when I was in the hospital. "You're mother's a little looney-tunes with the food right now". So right on! Always finding less seriousness and humor in everything. Loved that and him. CC

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