National Eating Disorders Association

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Humming_Bird_Woman
Addicted about Food without feeling Fat or Sick.

Hi. I am a newby ! I am french, married, 33 years old. So sorry in advance for my English .... :) I've started a diet almost 3 years ago because I wanted to feel good in my body. I've always felt bad with my body image (a little bit overweight and hairy.... :(...) For 2 years, i am bulimic :( :( :( But I really want to recover so I force myself to stop purging but I still have urges to binge so I gain weight ... I haven't stood on my scales for 10 days and I am so happy for that but I know I still am fragile and I can lose control more than I do now :( I've always felt an empty space in me... Like i can't do things alone.. I always need others and being reassured ! I'm still on track to recover but I need to find girls/women like me to share expériences and : - improving my English (It's like having a new passion .... I wanna improve my language skills to think about another thing than food) - Winning self esteem to do things alone and stop being perfectionist. - Stop being addicted with food (I've always thought about food for a long long time even when i wasn't sick. for you too ? I don't know why and that is why i am scared because I know i was addicted before being bulimic (and then restricting myself). indeed, before when i was with family or with friends, i didn't understand why i ate more than us i was really an addict ... even if i ate before... why ? just because bad habits I've created in my childhood ? Actually it's weird but i am more scared to be like before (aka thinking about food again and again even if i nourish myseff well, eating a large amount of food compared to others people) than gaining weight. i've never been fat but i've always ate more than others and i don't know why. my husband for example can forget to eat but not me .... why ? am i not normal ??? I would love to find some people to talk to trought Instagram, Messenger or Skype. if anyone is interested... it would be a pleasure ! :)

_admin_moderator
Welcome!

Hi! Thank you for posting! We’re sorry to hear about your concerns so we hope that you get the support you deserve here on the forums! We slightly edited your post as some details might be triggering for other members of the forum. Please take a look at our community guidelines here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines. As per our guidelines, members of the forum aren't allowed to post personal information.  If you’re looking for resources, please feel free to contact the Helpline at (800) 931-2237. The Helpline is open Mondays-Thursdays 9AM-9PM EST and Fridays 9AM-5PM EST. During these hours you can chat with us also by clicking the chat now option at the top right hand corner!  Please continue posting! 

alwaysthinking
Welcome

Bonjour!! I would love to continue in French and I realize that you are wanting to learn more English and that wouldn't be fair to anybody else anyway. I recognize your struggle and I'm sorry that you are experiencing this. Do you have a treatment team at all that can help you with this? Do you have any type of support? I get the hate relationship with food because I had that for quite some time. A lot of people say they have a love-hate relationship with food and I used to say I have a hate-hate relationship with food. It's so frustrating to have to deal with these disorders that we all face and I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you hope that you get the support you need. Welcome to The Forum

Humming_Bird_Woman
I do not have support : I

I do not have support : I mean I do not see any therapist and I don’t talk about my obsession with others. My family and husband know that I have been sick but I am not sure they understand me ... They’ve never tried to understand more ... That is why I need to find girls like me just to support each others and feel that we are not alone... Any experience of someone like me who recovered? Some post about food addiction even before being bulimic ? Any scientific documents to understand more ? I am trying to recover by myself but it takes time... I felt a bit angry to my husband because it is like he doesn’t understand... some people here who experienced it ? How to cope with it ?

TimeToShine
I understand

My parents don't support me whatsoever. My ex-boyfriend was the reason why I got back into my anorexic behaviours (he is my trigger). Before he and I broke up, I was fully recovered (at least that's what I thought.) I am not allowed to go into my trauma, but he manipulated so many times. My current boyfriend is my only support other than my best friend but she doesn't even know. My guy friend doesn't understand at all what I'm going through. I hope you find the resources you need.

TimeToShine

lovetowrite81
Hummingbirdwoman

Hello-

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been struggling. I struggled with both restrictive eating and binge eating and know how hard it is. It can be really difficult when those that are close to us don't understand what we are going through, and makes these forums even that much more essential- to know that there are others out there who do get it. I just want you to know that it is possible to recover- I would say I have been maintaining recovery for almost 5 years. So yes it is possible but it is a process so I am glad that you recognize that it does take time :) And trying to do it on our own can be really difficult too. Would you be open to seeking professional support?

I hope that above all, you know that you are not alone in this and there are others here who do understand- I hope that you continue posting and sharing your experiences and learning from others here as well. We're always here to listen <3

London1621
Hi

Sorry you're having a hard time and hope you will be okay soon.

Humming_Bird_Woman
Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your replies. I tried to analyse why I feel like this and even if I know now that I can binge because of my restriction, I do not know why before I robbed food for example or binged when I was alone. Actually I just remembered those things now that I am sick but before it was not something which were stuck in my head. Do you know if since I am aware of it (emotional eater or overeater) I can work on it to be free from food obsession? For example I ate a lot at my lunch but I thought about food all day !! :( and I don’t know why. For the professional seek it is complicated because I am married with the same bank account and he thinks that if I am sick it is because of him and I do not want him to think this ... any experience to share closed to mine ? Or recover stories to give me hope ?