National Eating Disorders Association

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hvtk20
Recovery not working

Hi, I’m new to the community. I have been anorexic for 1.5 years now and lost weight ever since. I have attempted to recover several times but I’m too scared of gaining back all the weights and losing control. I have been eating X kcal/ day the last 2 weeks but gained none and I eventually decided to restrict this week. I ate today and used behaviors. I want to recover, I hate always having food thoughts, getting nervous, being annoyed and bad-tempered to my beloved ones. I know I need to gain weights but after the last 2 weeks, I gained none. I’m scared the gain will come this week or next week so I want to restrict again. I don’t know what is my ideal weight. I look thinner than those models I found online. I’m scared if I gain to the weight I want now, I will have to restrict later, and as I’m going on holiday 1 month later, I’m afraid I will gain even more. I’m such a mess. I want peace in mind. What should I do?

_admin_moderator
Dear hvtk20, welcome to the

Dear hvtk20, welcome to the NEDA forums! We would like to inform you that we edited your post to remove mentions of weight and calorie numbers, as well as specific disordered eating behaviors, which are not allowed on the forums. You can review our community guidelines here. Thanks for your understanding and please continue to post! 

alwaysthinking
Therapist

Do You have a therapist or a treatment team? We aren't really allowed to give advice other than going with what a treatment team tells you to do. If you don't have a treatment team that's probably the best place to start. Welcome to The Forum and I hope you get the support you need

GabbiG
I struggled with the same

I struggled with the same thing. Gaining weight, and being ok with the your body is a struggle for every especially those of us who have been trapped in an eating disorder. What I suggest is to take each day at a time, and to not worry what weight you will gain. Also the sooner you completely let go of behaviors the faster you will get to healthy mind set. Another thing that might help is knowing that if you let go of the ed voice you can enjoy so much more, food thoughts will go away, and being nervous will go away. Also weight gain happens differently for everyone so you can’t predict when the weight will actually start to appear. But it’s important to know the weight gain means you gain your life back as well. It’s also important to not compare your body to what you see online because many photos are edited and they can be very toxic to people trying to recover. I hope you the best in your recovery!