National Eating Disorders Association

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alwaysthinking
Social awkwardness

I've always felt very socially awkward. In school, growing up, in college, as an adult. I never really had the opportunity to learn appropriate social cues because I was never really allowed to be around people my age. Hence, because I was always expected to take care of my parents from Age 4 on, I never had the opportunity to learn what it's like to develop properly and learn normal social cues. So I've been stunted , so to speak in my social growth in so many ways and now that I've been invited to a social Gathering that is upcoming in August, I feel I've already made several faux pas, and the one that I made today is freaking me out and causing me to want to binge or at least overeat. I know that the first two probably weren't that big of a deal because it has to do with the dinner that is going to be part of the shindig. I simply told the hostess two types of food that I don't eat. I didn't get into the why. I didn't feel that was necessary. I'll mention it here just to show my reasoning on the matter. I used to eat one of these food groups until I developed my eating disorder but I was really picky on it and then once I had my eating disorder I stopped eating it completely. I had stopped eating it for so long that when I tried to eat it again, it made me sick. I thought it may have been a one-time fluke and so I tried it a second time and it made me sick again so I simply tell people I do not eat that food group. The other food group I simply have never eaten because it makes me nauseous even to smell it. At any rate, I knew enough of social cues not to need to go into this and just simply told my hostess that I do not eat these two food groups. I was half joking half apologetic when I told her this and said I hate being so picky. Which is true. Because I am an extremely picky eater which really has nothing to do with my eating disorder. I always have been an extremely picky eater. I had someone joke one time that I have another mental disorder. Picky eating disorder! I liked it! It fits. But the social cue that I wonder that I may have stumbled over today and that I keep on ruminating about and is driving me absolutely bonkers is that she had invited me over as well to watch a religious program that comes out every month for us and when I watch it at home, in order for me to be able to concentrate on it I have to do something else at the same time like crocheting or exercising or both or some active activity. I was worried that if I just went over there and sat and watched it I would get nothing out of it. I know she's pretty much the same way so I asked her today if she minded when I came in August if I brought my crochet stuff. She seems kind of hesitant which makes me wonder if I went too far by asking. She qualified it by saying she didn't care but she wondered about the kids getting into it because she has a two and a five year old. I don't see an issue with them and it just makes me wonder if I just am being too obsessive and nitpicky or what. and the thing that's bothering me the most is that I'm wanting to turn to food to get through this stressful moment. And at the same time, I'm actually wanting to restrict because warning- gross-out moment- my stomach is really giving me problems because I am majorly constipated. So even though for the most part, I've been having really good days with absolutely awesome moods and I think my psych meds are finally where they need to be, there's a little hiccup today which is making things a little bit more aggravating. Any advice or suggestions on the social cues would be helpful.

julesthefox
I feel much the same way. I

I feel much the same way. I’ve never really been able to connect with people my age, and at one point, I was even diagnosed with a social phobia. I am highly sensitive and highly empathetic, so entering kindergarten triggered all my alarms and I sort of retreated into myself due to the overstimulation of everyone and all their emotions at once. I can definitely relate to just feeling out of place and awkward in social situations.
That said, I am also the same! Every time I wind down at night watching Netflix, I also have sudoku or crosswords to work on. It really does help. I have a lot of friends who actually have similar habits. I even had a roommate once that brought her crochet to class! You are definitely not alone. I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious about this, but it sounds like your friend’s hesitancy had nothing to do with you or you asking. She just wants to be a good host and make sure her kids wouldn’t mess you up. Let me repeat, it has nothing to do with you. If you think they will be fine, go ahead and bring it. I know I would do the same thing, and it’s a much better activity than say being on your phone the whole time (another thing I’ve done to cope with social situations). You know what’s best for you, and you’re just trying to make sure you’re able to be your best self and present there. That takes a lot of self awareness. And good for you for standing up for that. Do what makes you most comfortable. That way, it will be a better experience for everyone. I’m sure your friend would much rather you be crocheting than not able to feel present.
I’m sorry about the stomach issues too. I find that when I’m stressed or anxious about something, that always makes stuff like that come up too. Try to take it easy if you can, deep breathing. I hope you are able to stick to your plan. Find some distracting activities to engage in, maybe even your crochet! I believe you can do this; i believe in you. You are not alone.
Sending care and strength,
Julesthefox

alwaysthinking
Thx

That really helps

iwanttolive
alwaysthinking

Hi. I just want to say that I understand very much. All throughout my childhood and into my late 40's I was a social emotional wreck. Was so uncomfortable in my own skin. As early as kindergarten I was labeled "socially maladjusted". Can you imagine? I was put in a transitional grade between kindergarten and first so I had time to "catch up" with my peers. When going over to a multi family dinner, all the children would go down in the basements and play. As soon as I finished my dinner I went into a back bedroom and read until it was time to go home.

Then came the eating disorder and twenty-seven hospitalizations and half way houses and day programs. All this stunted my emotional growth so much that until recently I felt like a ten year old. I say all of that to say I understand.

Today is much different and I am a different person. I have a boldness that doesn't come from me but I know it comes from God. I am confident. But if I were to date...I would be so far behind a man who is in my age range because I am socially stunted in many ways, but I am growing up a lot. It sounds like you are making some good decisions and if you want to bring something with you while watching the teaching or whatever it is, that is okay and it is okay to ask for what you want.
When we get sick and stay stuck in the sickness, we actually stop maturing at that point. When recovery begins, we start at the age we became sick, and grow up as we get healthier in the physical, emotional and spiritual areas of our lives. This is what I was taught. I believe it to be true. So it may take a while for the social awkwardness to improve. It may also be a part of your personality. Being a bit more reserved and shy. But for me, I am a new person. I am free from the crippling insecurity that I had most of my life. I would walk bent over practically from such insecurity.

I don't know why you feel this way, but use your voice as you are and try not to second guess it. People don't need to know why you ask for certain things, as with the food. Not unless you want to share.
I hope this helps some. You have a good head on your shoulders and seem to be doing some good work. Keep it up. Flex that recovery muscle!!!

iwanttolive and I am

alwaysthinking
Thx

Thank you, too. It helps.

iwanttolive
alwaysthinking

Hi. Just checking in to see how you are doing today? I know you know Who you belong to. Draw strength from that and cling to Him.

iwanttolive and I am

alwaysthinking
Dr. Appointment

Getting ready for an appointment with my neurologist. Last time brought a lot of anxiety. Throwing it on Jehovah God and I'll get through it. Just like my anxiety about everything else.

_admin_moderator
Medical Signs and Symptoms

For precaution, we just wanted to post some signs and symptoms to look out for.A person does not have to be underweight to have an eating disorder or to require emergency medical care for one. Seek medical help immediately if you:• accidentally or deliberately cause yourself a physical injury• become suicidal• experience confused thinking or are not making any sense• experience delusions (false beliefs) or hallucinations (experiencing things that aren’t there)• feel disoriented; don’t know what day it is, where you are or who you are• vomit several times a day or have uncontrollable vomiting or diarrhea• experience dizziness or fainting spells• feel too weak to walk or collapse• experience painful muscle spasms• complain of chest pain or have trouble breathing• observe blood in your bowel movements, urine or vomit• have a body mass index (BMI) of less than 16• have an irregular heart beat or very low heart beat (less than 50 beats per minute)• have cold or clammy skin indicating a low body temperature or have a body temperature ofless than 35 degrees Celsius/95 degrees FahrenheitOr for any other serious medical concerns.If you experience any of the above, we highly recommend you seek medical attention as soon as possible. Another option is 911. Seek medical help soon on an outpatient basis if you:• have significant heartburn and/or a burning sensation after eating• have other gastrointestinal concerns• have high blood pressure• struggle with significant joint or muscle pain• have difficulty sleeping (falling and/or remaining asleep)• struggle with fatigue, sudden weight gain, and/or hair loss• have frequent urination or unquenchable thirst• have gained and lost significant weight repeatedly• have gained significant weight in a short period of time• struggle with chronic diarrhea or constipation

alwaysthinking
Thank you

thank you moderators for always looking out for us