National Eating Disorders Association

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Choices, Insecurity and Introspection

I am listening to my husband talk about the few calories he has eaten today as though he has eaten a feast. I start to tune out and become introspective. What am I feeling and why? My parents were abusive. My first husband died suddenly and unexpectedly at a young age. I am feeling insecure. I am dealing with fears of abandonment. Will this husband die? Is he dieting like this because he is having an affair? Is he going to leave me?

This is the legacy of a traumatic life... irrational thoughts and fears. Deeper than that, it has caused me to make poor choices. How many choices will I make due to past experiences, and from fear?

Step 4 I have made a searching and fearless inventory of myself.

Step 5 I am admitting to God, to myself, and to another human the exact nature of my wrongs.

I start to listen again, but I cannot deal with the topic of food or weight right now. I excuse myself and return to denial.

Denial, or...

Dear DD,

I'm not sure it's denial when things get to be too much. Maybe it's being overwhelmed instead.

But yeah, what does a person do, and how are they supposed to cope, when important matters in their life seem beyond their control ?

There must be some answers that are healthy, I think. Not letting these matters be everything perhaps ? Working on having a rewarding life of our own ?

But even then, there's still going to be that "elephant in the room" thing.

So yes, it's a dilemma for sure. xx