National Eating Disorders Association

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Slight slip up , + family

Today I was actually in quite a good mood mostly, but I didn't do great with eating. I didn't eat until dinnertime, and in the morning I had caffeine which I knew would dull my appetite... Possibly event restriction because I knew we would be going to a family dinner in the evening. Dinner was tough because much of the discussion touched on not only generally heavy topics, but specifically on food and nutrition which is not a great subject for me for obvious reasons. But I actually ended up eating well and with little stress (no doubt helped by the glass of wine I was server before dinner - on an empty stomach! :P Went right to my head and probably did wonders for my anxiety)
I did skimp on dessert... Oops. Anyway on the ride home my sister was talking about her own history of disordered eating - I knew she has struggled with body image but never knew the extent of it. Apparently she has a history of restriction (past what is deemed "normal" by diet culture, but that's another story). I told her about the essay I wrote on anorexia this past year and she asked me to send it to her. It's interesting we both separately developed these issues... I'm sure we have a genetic predisposition. I also think the way our mother speaks about food didn't help. I do NOT blame her, and I think her perspective on food is healthy for her, mentally and physically, but it is itself a response to her own history with eating. We don't have that same history, so that isn't the perspective we need/needed.

Anyway I'm home now. Was tempted to go to bed without having my normal bedtime snack/meal or with just a snack bar. Because I wasn't starving, and because "I only ate 1 meal today" sounded more objectively bad than "I only ate 2 ish meals today." That's disordered logic, wanting to do the thing that's worse for me. So I am having my normal snack, including more dessert! Making up for before.
I am not gonna catch up on posts now because I need to sleep but I hope you're all doing ok! I know this holiday can be tough. Remember you get to choose your family!


Hi. I am sorry your family picks the absolutely worst times to talk about food issues. I understand how family-parents-can have no clue even though mine do and they were not able to restrain themselves from diet talk around me. My mother has so many different magazines around the house and while I was really ill I asked if they could not have them out as it was difficult for me to see them. At that time my father was unwilling to change anything in "his" home because he didn't feel he should have to change their lifestyle because of my problems. I think it would be different today but my Mom doesn't have as many. She is a researcher. She can spend hours on the computer over one issue. My father has struggled with his weight for decades. He will gain a lot, then go back to the gym for a few months, put his membership on hold for six or more months and gain the weight back and then the cycle starts all over again. It is difficult to see him do this and be blind to the fact that this is not normal or healthy. He would not admit he has a problem. As we better communicate over the years they have been better at not discussing the latest "healthy" way of eating in front of me. I can handle it now but prefer not to have it be a topic of conversation.
It sounds as though your mother may have some form of an eating disorder and that is why she talks about food and diets as she does. I am sorry your sister had to go through what she did, but it seems that there may be some genetic connections as well as family dynamics. Eating disorders are so multi-faceted at times that at times they do involve families and the way family members interact, how they learn how to deal with emotions and express feelings to one another. I tried to explain to my sister years ago that eating disorders can show that something isn't right in the way "our" family interacts and there may be a connection in the eating disorder I had and family dysfunction, of which there was a lot. She was angry with me for saying that and felt I was blaming our family for me having had an eating disorder. I told her I wasn't blaming anyone but that there may be a connection.

So for you perhaps there are some things going on in your family that causes you to use food to cope. Are you seeing a therapist? If so would your family be willing to do a family session? Just wondering. I think that it is good that you were able to have your snack even though you didn't want to eat it. I hope you get more sleep tonight!!!

iwanttolive and I am

Thanks :)

Thank you for your reply. I haven't been on for the past two weeks eek! I am not certain the nature of my mom's relationship with food, but my grandmother (her mother) definitely speaks negatively about weight... She loves certain foods, but also holds a lot of fatphobic sentiments. Unfortunately that's very common, especially in terms of women's self images, but I do see a family pattern of each generation passing their food problems on to the next.
I am in therapy but focusing on other problems currently (trauma and also my family situation; following my parents' divorce I have had trouble with my dad, and my mom has been very stressed which has damaged out relationship) Hopefully someday I can talk to my mom about eating disorders more though! She is on a diet which is the first time I've seen her actively alter her food. Like a "cleanse" sort of thing, whereas normally she just eats healthy as a part of day to day life but without rules. I am not sure her thinking but I have mentioned to her that it's slightly concerning to me. For all I know she's fine though.

I neglected to remember that

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