National Eating Disorders Association

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LastOneFastOne
Need Encouragement

Hi team!

I could really use some encouragement. Lately I’ve been falling back into old bad habits of chewing and spitting out high-calorie, high-sugar foods in an effort to get the taste without the weight gain. It’s a really embarrassing, disgusting bad habit of mine that I know is just a sign of disordered eating. Inevitably, it still causes me to gain weight but while still leaving me deprived and unsatisfied. I could eat and exercise well but having a bad habit like this just derails all my progress.

For background, I used to be a very competitive (5-6+ hours/day) distance swimmer. I was anorexic (by swimming standards, as in eating way more than the average 20-something girl but not nearly enough to sustain my level of activity). After I graduated college, obviously I wasn’t swimming to the same level, and I managed to give my body the recovery it needed. I got my period back and restored my weight (perhaps to a level a bit higher than I am comfortable with). I’m definitely still very active, but the culture shock of scaling back my activity has truly accelerated my recovery, but also to a degree that maybe I wasn’t mentally prepared for yet.

I want to kick this habit. Badly. I don’t want to feel embarrassed or out of control. I think if I was able to stop, I would be able to lose a little weight to get me back down to my comfort level and be able to maintain with a good diet and exercise, the way that makes me happy. Has anyone ever experienced this? If so, how did you overcome it?

Thanks in advance, all. Really appreciate it!

alwaysthinking
Me too

I was anorexic And did the chewing and spitting thing too. I hated doing it and it was basically to Be able to still taste the foods that I wasn't allowing myself to eat. I was able to get over it for the most part by realizing how much I was wasting. Do you live by yourself? It's when I had to get really penny-pinching that I was really able to kick the habit. Basically it's because I couldn't stand the idea of spending money on something I wasn't even eating. Or if I got something from the food pantry I felt like I was wasting food that somebody else could be enjoying. Just a thought and just know that I have been able to successfully get past this. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

LastOneFastOne
Thanks for your support

Appreciate you sharing that you overcame this habit. I really appreciate it! Definitely the financial aspect of it is something I'm concerned about as I did just start my job a year ago and need to pay rent.

Sometimes I steal snacks from the office to do it, which makes me feel all the more shady.Frustrating because before I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb for being underweight, now I'm a normal weight and eating enough yet still have disordered habits that make me feel bad about myself.

lovetowrite81
LastOneFastOne

Hello-

I'm so sorry to hear you have been struggling again with falling back into some disordered habits. I just wanted to ask you if you were open to the idea of working with a therapist? I know for me, the key to maintaining recovery has been examining the roots of what drives the disordered behavior in the first place. As there is a reason we cling onto ED to cope with difficult emotions or some kind of pain. I just want to remind you that struggling with an ED is not your fault- if you are backsliding back into behaviors, it often does take more than will-power to do better and often requires professional help to be able to work through the underlying issues. I hope that you continue posting & let us know how you're doing!