National Eating Disorders Association

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cielastella
Gain vs Maintain struggle

Hello,

I'm going to try to not make this sound confusing or triggering at all.

I left treatment in Sept 2018. My weight was and is still stable. I have lost some but not much. My goal isn't to lose but I'm still very much afraid that if I gain anything the floodgates would open and I would never stop gaining. I know it's totally irrational.
Anyways, although I have lost a little if I went back to a treatment center they would not have me on a weight restoring plan. My team on the other hand says I'm below my set point weight so they want me to restore what I lost since September.

I trust my team and really want my recovery back but am really struggling with being told I need to gain when if I were in a program I wouldn't be on a restoration plan.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

iwanttolive
cielastella

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am glad you are reaching out. I only have a few minutes but I wanted to ask you how do you know a treatment center wouldn't have you restore the weight you lost? Who is saying that? You or the eating disorder voice. And since your team is telling you that you need to gain and you trust them, what is causing you to question their advice? They say you are below the set point. For me, I believe being at a healthier weight helps me to focus better, helps me not to focus on food so much and helps me to enjoy life more. Because I don't have a lot of time this may seem curt, and I don't mean it to. I am just asking you to think through this a little and ask yourself why you are doubting the team you trust so much. I understand gaining weight is difficult, but it can also be liberating to not have to be battling with gaining a bit, losing a bit etc. If you find a weight your team is happy with, in time your body will get used to it and I believe you will too. You may need to talk about how you feel about gaining, but I also encourage you to talk about other things that are going on that may be causing you to need to focus so much on numbers. You are more than a number. You are special and unique and created for a reason. I hope this helps some. Take care and please post anytime.

iwanttolive

s.boewer
I agree

Hi- I agree with everything iwanttolive said, and I also hope you will examine your hesitance to follow the advice of your team. I really understand your fears around gaining, as I have had to restore weight, and my biggest fear was that once it started it would not stop. I was very anxious during that process, and worked with my therapist to address the real issues creating the anxiety, which helped me stay committed to the process. If it makes you feel any better, I did not keep gaining as I continued to nourish my body daily with healthy meals. I got to a healthy number and my body regulated itself, my metabolism worked normally again, and I am still at that healthy weight while I continue eating in a normal way. It is so much easier not restricting and controlling, and trusting and loving my body again, I hope you will also experience this freedom in your recovery. I get the fear, but it is your ed voice provoking that fear, and you will not keep gaining and gaining uncontrollably like that voice tells you. Congratulations on completing treatment, and I hope you continue to heal and get through this confusing time. It gets easier:)