National Eating Disorders Association

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chunkymonkey68
My Period Cried Wolf on Me....

So I thought I was gonna have a period. I had a root canal and a few days after the dental treatment I began spotting when working @ my retail job.

So I only spotted for a day. Thus I haven't had a real, full-fledged period in about 2 months now.

I am experiencing massive belly bloat and yet my bra size has gone down 1 entire size. It feels so good to fit into a snugger fitting, and better supportive bra. I usually don't wear wire bras but they actually feel so supportive and have a minimizing effect on my chest that I just love my new bra.

Instead of binging I went online and had ordered a bunch of bras to see which 1 would fit me best. I donated a few that were fitting me right, my old bras that is, and kept a few good ones too.

My lower body is disappointing me though. I have a pair of pants, fairly new too, and they are snug fitting when I manage to zip them up. This belly bloat during my PMS-Delayed period time is really making me feel extra motivated to walk faster and further.

I am eating healthy now, 1x a week perhaps I allow myself a down day to eat whatever I want but in moderation. I haven't been to a gym in 5 yrs. I haven't swum for 5 yrs either. I still want to begin lap walking and lap swimming. However, until I drop a certain # of Lbs I won't participate in my favorite form of conditioning which is swimming.

I am continuing to journal, walk, work 2 jobs, manage all the bills and paperwork around here, and even take out recyclables to contribute to the complex recycling efforts here.

All in all, I just hope my weight stabilizes and my belly bloat reduces soon. I must keep up my motivation and continue to be self-disciplined. This is my only way to remain celibate from a full-fledged food frenzy/purge behaviors xyz...

s.boewer
I'm confused

Hi- I always read your posts and find them interesting, but I am confused at some of what you wrote this time. You mentioned eating healthy and I think not engaging in behaviors,writing in your journal and managing life's responsibilities, which sounds great. But then you talk about your pants being too snug, being happy with a smaller bra size and your goal to reduce your weight to be happy with yourself. Those things sound to me like unhealthy eating disorder goals, and it seems like your looking to achieve a certain, perfect body image as an overall goal to find true happiness. I am glad that you find writing here supportive, and I would never suggest that you stop, but I wonder what kind of feedback would really be useful, or what you hope to get from those who respond. A regular theme seems to be your struggles with an erratic menstrual cycle, is that a result of your ED on your body? Maybe you are at a weight that is unhealthy and does not support a regular functioning cycle, just a thought. Overall, I get the impression you are not satisfied with your body image, and I hope that you find in recovery you don't have to be so critical of temporary issues like bloating every month. I also hope that you don't limit yourself and avoid activities you love, like lap swimming, because you think you must lose a certain amount of weight first. That was the kind of mind-set I had during my ED days, and in recovery I have learned I don't need to be a certain weight to enjoy things that bring me joy. So, as I said, I am a little confused at the mixed messages in your posts, and maybe you can take a moment to clarify for me exactly what you are working towards. Is it self-love, acceptance and an end to beating yourself up over weight issues, or are you trying to find a way to lose weight in order to find that happiness? If I better understood your motivation for writing for supportive feedback, I think I would better comprehend how to respond. I am not trying to dismiss you in any way at all, I am genuinely interested in understanding where you are at in the recovery process, and want to know how to give feedback in a way that would be helpful. Please elaborate and expound on your post to maybe include your goals for recovery, and clarify what it is you are wanting by way of input from others. I am glad you posted and I always read your posts and find them interesting, so please don't think I am being critical of you. Take care:)