National Eating Disorders Association

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Zoomsm
How do I overcome it?

I have bulimia. It started out as anorexia but after binging with my friend it has turned into bulimia. I had anorexia for about 6 months then after my binge I’ve been binging and restricting and such ever since. I’ve been bulimic for 5 months and I’m so over it. My situation is a bit weird. My natural BMI growing up was always super low and I always got made fun of for it. So I started to eat way way too much to try to gain weight. Then I started losing it again and here I am. I’ve gained again from binging. I want to overcome it and I always have the mindset and then I just lose it and binge. I haven’t made it a week without messing up either by not eating or overeating. I’ve been trying so hard since January now. I can’t even go to anyone in person because technically I’m still underweight. But if I wanted to gain weight I’d want to gain weight from eating healthy not overeating one day then undereating the next. How do I tell myself this is the final time? It’s becoming so hard for me because now that it’s been 5 months my body is starting to adjust to weighing more making it harder to lose weight as it’s no longer just sitting as food or water weight but actually sitting. I never keep it up it seems like it’s taking me forever to lose it. And I can’t even go a week without binging. Help?

_admin_moderator
Hello Zoomsm, Welcome to the

Hello Zoomsm, Welcome to the forums! We're glad you found us. This is to inform you that your post has been edited slightly to remove the mention of specific numbers that may be triggering to other users on the forum.  You can find our full community guidelines here:  https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines  Thank you, and please continue posting! 

s.boewer
Hi

Hi- I relate to your struggle as I was bulimic for 12 years and then restricted/anorexia for another 20 years. It was always the same discouraging pattern of setting out to eat normally every new day, and to end up acting out with behaviors no matter how hard I tried. What I found is that will power does not work, it just perpetuates the problem and leads to self-condemnation and negative self-talk. There was no magic diet, or perfect weight that was the answer either. It took therapy and serious work in a 12-step program to let go of the addictive behaviors I engaged in around food. I was not over weight either, and I got help anyway, it doesn't matter if you are over or under weight, you deserve support and therapy for your struggles. The only way for me to recover was to address the underlying issues, and accept myself at any size. It did not happen over night, but it did happen, and I encourage you to also get professional help. It isn't something that can be dealt with alone or secretly, as you will just wear yourself out trying all kinds of ways to be in control, The endless cycle of eating and restricting is exhausting, and it won't resolve itself with a stronger will. You are dealing with a progressive disease that requires professional intervention and new tools for coping with whatever it is that drives the disorder. I know you are struggling and in pain, and I hope you will seek out support to move out of your patterns. Good luck and take care:)