National Eating Disorders Association

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Starry55
Trying to learning to love myself so hard, need venting

In the past couple of days, it was pretty rough because I had a temptation to go to the bathroom after I eat too much. I had mixed feelings after that. Worse, Today, I felt so sick for like three minutes after I worked out, I pushed myself too hard like I'm ready to pass out. But now, I'm alright. Food always in my mind as what can I eat or not. I'm drastic with food around people(my family). It is really completely exhausted, I'm starting to feel not great, I'm worrying too much. I'm trying to learn how to love myself and not feel like under the pressure from many things. I'm really trying so hard. Just frustrating about the triggering to led to became my coping mechanism daily plus I really want to lose weight too. Maybe should I write down on the sticky notes to a reminder of self-love? confidence? don't worry about food? or something? I don't know.

iwanttolive
Starry55

Hi. I am sorry for your pain. One thing to remember, and it used to make me sooooo mad when people told me this, and that is that eating disorders aren't so much about food and weight. It is a coping mechanism that we have learned to use that keeps us from feeling painful emotions. Things either from the past or current that are too painful to face. Some people use drugs others alcohol and some food and weight to distract us from feeling. It numbs us out so we don't think about these other things and we spend all our time on thinking about our bodies, calories, numbers, exercise. I really think journaling is very helpful, and what you said, write things to remind yourself about things that make you happy. Things that you are thankful for, things you are thankful about your body. For instance, even if you don't like the shape of your legs, you can thank them because they get you places, you are able to walk. It is a good idea to get into the practice of being thankful. But you also have to deal with some of the things that are causing you to not be happy. Things other than your body and your weight. What is going on inside that is causing you distress and pain. You may not know if you have used the eating disorder to shove them down. Are you seeing a therapist? They would be able to help you figure out why you are using the eating and body image issues and go deeper. I am not saying this is something you chose. It creeps up slowly until we are trapped. Then we need help to get out of the trap and also deal with what got us trapped. I hope this helps you. Please post again when you need to. We are here for you. You are not alone.

_admin_moderator
Starry55, we wanted to post

Starry55, we wanted to post the signs and symptoms of a medical emergency because you mentioned not feeling well after working out too hard.  The following are just some of the signs of a serious problem that demands immediate medical attention:• accidentally or deliberately caused themselves a physical injury• become suicidal• confused thinking and is not making any sense• delusions (false beliefs) or hallucinations (experiencing things that aren’t there)• disoriented; doesn’t know what day it is, where they are or who they are• vomiting several times a day or has uncontrollable vomiting or diarrhea• experiencing dizziness or fainting spells• too weak to walk or collapses• painful muscle spasms• complaining of chest pain or having trouble breathing• blood in their bowel movements, urine or vomit• a body mass index (BMI) of less than 16• an irregular heartbeat, and fast heartbeat, or very low heart beat (less than 50 beats per minute)• cold or clammy skin indicating a low body temperature or has a body temperature of less than 35 degrees Celsius/95 degrees FahrenheitOr any other serious medical concernsIf you experience any of the above, we highly recommend seeking medical attention as soon as possible. Another option is 911.In the event you need further assistance, please do not hesitate to call the NEDA Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 (Monday-Thursday, 9:00am-9:00pm, Friday, 9:00am-5:00pm, EST).