National Eating Disorders Association

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London1621
What's wrong with me?

Yesterday when I came home from school I was upset and I had the feeling to binge eat. So I grabbed all kinds of things to bake and I did this for 2 hours. I didn't eat any of it, I took it all over to the neighbor's. I just said I made this for you. I don't get me or this problem sometimes. It makes me feel upset.

Savedbygrace
I'm sorry

You are hurting. Eating disorders are mental illnesses. I can relate to the feelings you are having. It's great you came and posted on here. And congrats on taking it to the neighbors instead of binging. Try to congratulate yourself on not using symptoms. Post as much as you need.

iwanttolive
London1621

Hi. I am really sorry you continue to struggle so much. One of the symptoms especially of anorexia, is that one often bakes, or cooks, never touching what they made and gives it to others. It is a way to fixate on food without ever having to eat it. It is good you didn't binge when the temptation was so strong. Can you write down how you are feeling when you get the urge to binge, or restrict? What are you feeling emotionally, what are the circumstances? Is anything upsetting you? This may help you find a pattern perhaps and then you can begin to know what triggers a binge feeling. Then you will be better equipped to know how to deal with it when the feeling comes on. Just some suggestions. Are you doing anything new recently? For me, I am taking a class at my community college just to get comfortable doing something scary. To work through the feelings of inadequacy and fear of failing. So far it has been a good experience, except last night when what should have taken half an hour took me almost four hours. SO frustrating. But be encouraged. You are reaching out for support and from what you are saying even though you have the urges to binge you aren't giving in to the urges. But maybe if you knew what is causing you to feel that way it might give you more peace. Hope this helps. You are not alone. Post anytime. We are here for you.

iwanttolive

London1621
Hi

Thank you so much for your replies. I just have a lot going on and everything is getting to me. I wish I didn't have this problem. Hugs.

s.boewer
Hi

Hi- having just read your post I want to say that I understand your confusion about having an ED. ED behaviors are somewhat baffling and when stuck in the tunnel vision focus to eat whatever is available, it doesn't make sense. The fact that you are busy with a lot going on means the urges to binge might become stronger, as it is a coping mechanism. During a binge, the feelings that drive the over-eating feel frantic, and for me, are very similar to how it feels to want to use drugs to cope. The way neurochemicals work in the brain when using drugs or binging, are very similar and so when you are stuck in that cycle you are getting a chemical response that can alleviate the uncomfortable feelings. The problem with that is when it's all over, your brain is depleted and the feelings are even worse than before the binge. This leads to depression, self-loathing, anxiety, shame and many other feelings so that another binge occurs and the cycle repeats. Balancing the nuefochemicals happens as recovery happens and the binges stop long enough to replenish the brain again. Imprints are created in the brain from ongoing binges so that the behavior becomes almost instinctual, like the fight or fight imprint, causing a binge to be triggered as a response to an event or negative feeling, or any stress. Sometimes a binge can occur and it is like it just happened automatically because of the imprint created from repeated behaviors. I don't know if this even makes sense! What I am trying to say is that ED behaviors are part physiological, which makes it very difficult to recognize a trigger before acting out with the behaviors. Knowing about imprints helped me understand why I would feel so out-of-control and unsure of why a binge happened. It takes new, healthy behaviors to take the place of the unhealthy imprints, just like it takes positive self-talk to overcome negative self-talk. I'm not sure that will do much to explain why at times you don't get yourself or this problem, as you said in your original post. For me it really helped clear things up a bit to know sometimes I never had a warning. The binge was an automatic reaction that happened quicker than I could recognize what was going on. Hope things settle down for you soon:)

karenc
I don't think

Anything is wrong with you.

I think you're pretty perfect.

I'll take the baked goods any day.

If your neighbour doesn't want them, send them to me any day. Lol

London1621
Hi

Thank you for your replies and what you are saying. Hugs.