National Eating Disorders Association

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Eliza_hpw
Help? I feel like I’m losing control

I have anoxia, have been diagnosed for less than a year. I thought I was totally fine, but my mom found out that I wasn’t eating. I’ve been forced by my mother to not skip a meal and I’m going insane. I feel like there’s a constant pressure to eat from her and the rest of my family. My anxiety is through the roof, and I hate how much I’ve had to eat. I’ve been doing good, haven't skipped a meal yet... but I’m losing control and I hate the feeling, I don’t want to relaps by any means but if getting better if this is getting better I don’t want to do it either. I’ve been threatened to be put in the hospital if I don’t eat. I am scared for the future, and I don’t know where to turn.

iwanttolive
Eliza_hpw

Hi. Welcome to the forum. I am really sorry you are struggling so much. Recovery can be very difficult and then add in the parent's monitoring your intake, it adds another dimension. It can be very scary. But if what you are saying is true, if you are in a hospital, they too will make sure you gain enough weight to be medically stable. That weight is different for everybody.. Recovery is much more than weight restoration though, it is about the reasons you are using food or lack of it, and behaviors and fear of food and perhaps rituals. These are all usually used to keep one from dealing with other things in our lives that are painful, such as bullying, abuse, low self esteem, depression. There are many reasons, which is why having a therapist during the recovery can really help with the anxieties that come along with gaining weight. Are you in therapy? Is it something your family would consider and you? I have found it immensely helpful in my recovery. I am really sorry again for the fear, anxiety and all those feelings you are feeling. There are a lot of us that know what you are going through. You are not alone. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

iwanttolive

karenc
know that

Your mum wants you to get better. It's not about getting 'fat'. It's about being healthy and getting well. I'm sure the weight gain will be minimal if any. Don't stress. It'll be o.k.
Love karen

s.boewer
Hi

Hi= How are you doing since your post? Are you getting the help of a therapist during this difficult time? I really related to what you wrote and remember how terrifying it was for me to eat 3 meals a day and be monitored by both of my parents. I felt like I was under a microscope as the designated sick one in the family. If it eases your mind at all, let me tell you that I did not gain a huge amount of weight as a result of eating 3 meals a day. I did gain weight, but to a healthy number and then my body just regulated at that healthy number and I've stayed the same for about months. I know it's hard but you will be okay and eventually everyone will lighten up on you. The people around us are just scared and they have good intentions but don't realize really how they impact us with all of their care. Good luck and I hope you are doing better. :)