National Eating Disorders Association

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tryingtobebrave
Big argument with my mom

I’m feeling really overwhelmed emotionally right now. To start off the morning, I put on a winter shirt I hadn’t worn since last winter- it was way too small. I had a mini meltdown about it in my room and my mom comes and says “why did you try that on, are you 12? Clearly your program didn’t help you at all” and I got so tired of my mom saying these types of things all the time that I told her she’s the one who needs help (she really does, she’s angry and negative literally at all times, and with cleaning, she does things like stand on top of the counter on her toes to clean the top of the fridge, all this keeps escalating) and I ended up apologizing after the arguement, because despite what I said being true, that was not the way to go about it. She just pushed my buttons one too many times with her always saying things like that. (My dad agrees with this too). Obviously, she got very angry and said some unkind things herself. She is totally in denial about needing help, she got defensive and lashed out. But she wouldn’t accept my apology, things are so tense and it’s really gotten to me.
I don’t want to eat lunch today, I want to workout and purge and drink, all the behaviors to numb out. Due to ptsd from childhood, I don’t do well with conflict sitting unresolved and her acting passive aggressive continually. Moving out right now isn’t an option right now for several reasons. I’m trying to remember that I can’t control how she reacts, only how I respond. I just need some support

tryingtobebrave
Update

After spending a little time with my friend, things cooled down when I came back home. In my family, everyone pretends like arguments never happened, hurtful things weren’t said. I’m used to it, but it doesn’t mean I agree. However I can’t change them, only myself. So I will choose not to use behaviors today. That choice and effort is on me

iwanttolive
tryingtobebrave

Hello. I am sooooo proud of you. You are choosing not only recovery, but life. I am sorry things were said, and the clothes not fitting. It is very difficult. I do understand. But as I am learning with my sisters you are also learning, we can only change ourselves and using behaviors is not the answer. Going to God, using skills learned, going to a friend's house, posting here, getting support from your therapist, these are the things that strengthen our recovery muscle.

I will tell you what I did with my clothes that were not meant to fit an adult body< I had to give them away. I kept them for a long time, thinking I may one day fit back in to them. But I realized this was not healthy and if I was serious about recovery, I had to get rid of the clothes that didn't fit anymore. It was difficult but I did it. You may want to have someone help you with this if you decide to do this, it may not be the right time, but eventually you may want to consider doing this. I know a lot of others have had to do this and it does help.

Again, I am sorry for the pain in your family. I am proud of you for choosing not to use behaviors. You are being very brave.

iwanttolive- and have a nice day

mhbw13
ive struggled a lot with

ive struggled a lot with stuff with my mom. its hard for her to understand why im struggling and going through the things i am because i dont think shes ever experienced something like what im going through. its hard to put it into words from her. i hate how she thinks that she can connect with me about it when she doesnt know anything about it at all.

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