National Eating Disorders Association

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tryingtobebrave
Bad day due to ptsd

I had a solid plan with my dietician to get through thanksgiving. And for the most part I did without behaviors. But I had a trigger to the worst traumatic memory I have, and I’m frustrated and exhausted. I took the medication my psychiatrist prescribes me for flashbacks, but it didn’t help much at all. I’m so tired of this fear so intense in my body because my brain thinks I’m about to die, even though rationally I know I’m not, this was many years ago and I’m not a helpless kid. But the ptsd part of my brain doesn’t seem to get the message.
I want badly to use behaviors, but being frozen in my bed from fear has prevented me from purging so that’s a good thing to come out of it I guess. I had a little restriction but powered through my meal plan somehow.

iwanttolive
tryingtobebrave

Hi. I am so proud of you. And so sad too. I don't have severe PTSD and can not say I understand. But as a person who has compassion, I do have that for you. It must be so difficult living with and being paralyzed with fear. I hope that as you work with your therapist, that these terrors will lessen and you will be not be so affected by the memories.

I know that you said that you stayed in bed to prevent yourself from using behaviors but you did do your best and "powered through your meal plan". That is beingbrave. You are not only trying to be brave, you are being brave. Even with the flashbacks, you managed to stay safe and behavior free. That is encouraging. I am sorry for whatever happened to you. You said that you are not a helpless little kid anymore. You are correct in saying that your brain and body think it is. But you need to tell yourself that you are safe now. Ground yourself to the things around you that cause you to feel comfortable. Music, a soft pillow, something. A picture. If you read the Bible, maybe a favorite write it out and refer to it when you are really struggling. Today is almost over. Tomorrow will be a new day. Thank you for sharing. Knowing that even in very difficult times, we can say no to using behaviors. I am also learning that I don't have to use food as a means of coping. Together we will support each other through the good and the bad. Together we will encourage each other on the forum that recovery is possible and with dedicated work and support, it will be worth it. And I think we do a pretty good job at supporting one another on this forum.

Take care and post again if you need to.
iwanttolive