National Eating Disorders Association

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
Thoughts?

Hello everyone, I have been lurking around here for a month or so and feel blessed to have so much information in one place. My daughter is currently in an in-patient treatment facility and is recovering. What I have learned about ED's has left me trying to obtain more information, I feel bad that I didn't know anything about them in the first place. How could ED's be what they are and I just had no clue? I actually feel ashamed to some degree.

When I started this journey as a parent I was terrified, and to be quite frank I still am. I started a journal before she was admitted and I have found it to be a good way for me to vent, or to cope with what is happening. Writing things out seems to help me. I was thinking about starting a blog, my intent is to bring awareness to the disease and also share my story as a dad. I couldn't find the specific answers I was looking for in the beginning of this journey. I couldn't find any on the facility or anything in general about what the first day would be, or what the 21st day would be. Maybe by sharing my journal I could help another dad like me that felt like he couldn't breathe when this all started.

I spoke to my daughter about this and she says she is ok with it. I will not be using her name, but she says everyone knows anyway. She seems to like what I am trying to do, or at least she says she does. Before the Monster came we were very close, we still are, but I found out some things that had been happening with her ED that makes me wonder if she is being truthful all the time like she use to be.

I guess my reason for the post is what do you think? I feel something pulling me towards doing it but I don't want to be harmful either. I look forward to your thoughts. Thanks in advance.

iwanttolive
[email protected]

Hello. Me again, iwanttolive. I think it sounds like a good idea, just want you to be careful and protect yourself as you do this if you decide to go for it. I would also post this on the other subjects under working towards recovery, or maintaining recovery to see what others think as well. I know I post a lot about my journey and share my thoughts and struggles and victories. I think it helps people to be able to relate to me as a person not just someone who has had or has an eating disorder. I try to not come across as I have all the answers, not saying that you are doing this. I want to be relatable. Sharing the good with the not so good. People who have been posting for a while are able to see the changes that have taken place since I started posting. So for you as a father who wants to connect to other fathers or mothers of your experience, I see no harm in that.

I find it interesting that the hospital where your daughter is in hasn't given you an idea of what is going on with her treatment, of what to expect. Most places will tell people the types of groups, expected time of treatment, which I know varies a lot depending on the individual, but there is usually some idea. Family therapy is usually always a component of treatment. Knowing if they practice intuitive eating, the type of therapeutic approach that is used, CBT, DBT, a combination; if they have trips outside of the hospital, things like that. If patients are allowed in their rooms during the day, etc.

I admire your commitment not only to your daughter but to helping others. As I said before though, right now, you need to focus on you and your daughter and your family. The other stuff will come. I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving. It will be different. But you can be thankful that your daughter is getting help. Blessings in Our Lord.

iwanttolive

iwanttolive.......I may have not been exactly clear.

I went back and read what I posted and I could have been a little clearer. I think what happened to us happened very fast, and in that week or two leading up to her admit into the treatment facility I was so scared, and I couldn't find what I was looking for. Maybe it was that I couldn't find the exact positive response I wanted to hear. Part of that is every patient is different and the other part is there is no way to give anything definite on any eating disorder, of course you already know this.

Since my daughter has been in the treatment center, tomorrow starts Day 24 for her, I have nothing but positive things to say about the place. I think so much of the place I wish I could sing their praises here but I understand that is not allowed. Everything you spoke of in your above post has absolutely been discussed and we are briefed regularly. The facility runs like a well oiled machine and I am so happy places like this exist. Things now are much better than what they were a month or so ago, it was just so scary in the beginning. Everything you spoke about is covered, my post was a little misleading I see after I went back and read it, sorry.

You are correct, right now it is about my daughter. I have just returned to work and that's where I am tonight. When I get off in the morning we will head back down to see my daughter, we have Thur-Sun this week because of the holiday. She is doing well in the program and I am so thankful for that. I hope you to have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Talk to you soon.

Oh yeah, thanks for giving me a response on my post, I really appreciate it.

iwanttolive
[email protected]

I am so glad you like the place your daughter is in. No worries over the misunderstanding. I had some really BAD experiences. So I am so happy to hear your daughter is doing better and you like the facility. Hopefully this will be the only time she needs inpatient, but just know she may need a higher level of care in the future. Coming out of inpatient is difficult as the 24/7 isn't there. Will she go into an outpatient program or is that too far in the future? For me, it took a very long time to surrender the eating disorder to God. I don't know why. I just was too afraid to live. My username, iwanttolive, is because for most of my life I did not want to. I wanted to die so badly. I almost did on numerous occasions but God had and has other plans and I am so thankful for my recovery and life. Tonight at church I thanked God publicly for helping me overcome the eating disorder and self harm. I spent so much of my life sick that now at 51 I am learning how to live as an adult. My life was gone for so long being so sick. I am now doing well and am preparing to help others even outside of this forum. I am just waiting on God to direct me and I have some ideas.

I can only imagine how scared and unprepared you were finding out about your daughter's condition. My parent's are nurses so they knew more than most what was happening but they couldn't stop me from doing what I was doing until they threw my butt into a hospital. They got me onto Medicare at age 16 and I am still on it. They knew the potential for long term help. Your daughter seems motivated so I pray she will not have to go through what I did. They know how to treat the illness better than they did when I was first sick. I think that was a big part of why it took me so long to get well, poor help in the beginning in the early 80's. Anyways, it is getting very late, again, for me so I have to go. Any help I can provide I would like to be available. So I don't want to overwhelm you but just post and I will see if I can help. I hope you have a nice day tomorrow. Take care,

iwanttolive

_admin_moderator
Resources

Just because you mentioned past thoughts of suicide we wanted to provide some resources in case you or anyone on this forum needed to contact them: Crisis Text Line: Text "NEDA" to 741-741 or www.crisistextline.org/get-help-nowNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-8255 or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.orgIMAlive: (800) 784-2433 or www.imalive.orgDial Help Inc: Call (906) 482-4357 Text (906) 356 - 3337 or www.dialhelp.org 

iwanttolive
[email protected]

Hi. Wondering how your Thanksgiving went? Did you spend time with your daughter? How is she? Mine was okay. Not what I was expecting but I am now in my parent's very comfortable bed with the two dogs near by and am responding to some posts and thought of you. Hope you had a nice day.

iwanttolive

iwanttolive

Hi there. Sorry for the delay. My wife and I did spend Thanksgiving with our daughter, we left home early Thanksgiving morning and stayed at a hotel near my daughters treatment center until Monday morning, so we got to spend a bunch of time with her. We had some passes and we were able to leave the facility for the first time together since she was admitted. She is doing very good, but as you can understand the urges are very strong in her mind that food is just bad. She feels guilty every time she eats and just beats herself up. Tomorrow begins Day 30 for her.

I was hoping you had a great Thanksgiving, but an okay Thanksgiving is better than a bad
one. I hope you are well, thanks for thinking of me.

iwanttolive
[email protected]

Hi!! I have been looking for you. I am glad you got to spend time with your daughter for Thanksgiving. That was good for her. To get out and not be in the treatment facility all day on a holiday. That is difficult. I know it is still very difficult for her and that she is still afraid of food. That will take time and healing and trust that eating isn't going to make her gain a ton of weight. It takes trust in what she is being taught and learning through experience as she is on the meal plan. Once she reaches her goal weight if she hasn't yet, she will come to learn that she can eat and not gain. But this comes with practice and trust. Time. Lots of time.

My parents are coming back tomorrow. They have been in California for two weeks. I really miss them. But I have enjoyed peace and quiet with the two dogs and myself at their house. I wish I could live on my own but I can not afford it.

I am glad you posted again. Take care. And remember, recovery takes time. Be patient with yourselves and with your daughter. Get help for yourselves and if you don't yet, see about getting involved in a Bible based church where you can find support from other Christian's. Take care again...

iwanttolive