National Eating Disorders Association

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Helpforafriend
Sorry to have to ask this...

I don't mean to be at all insensitive, so please don't take this as such. I have a friend who has been suffering from anorexia for many years. She has two small children. I know this is nor unique, unfortunately, but she denies the existence of a problem and refuses help. Her husband is in denial, constantly making excuses that she has been feeding him for years, excuses such as "She has had two kids, so her doctor's would have said if she was really in danger," to" people are just jealous of her," to"well she survived this long so she will be fine."

I, as well as many others in our community, fear that her death with me sooner than later, so here is my ask; I am looking for a widower who has lost his wife who has young children. We feel that the only way to get her husband to wake up is to find someone who has gone to the end of the line and is in a similar life position. We fear that if we find someone who has lost a teenager, or a spouse who doesn't have kids, that her husband will justify the lack of reality based on the difference in life styles. We feel that he needs to reach her because she is too far gone to get help. Her husband needs to be the wake up call, and she is the dominant force in the relationship, so he, essentially, needs to be scared straight in order to help.

Any and all help is greatly appreciated.

_admin_moderator
 Thanks for reaching out.  We

 Thanks for reaching out.  We wanted to let you know we edited your post to remove numbers that could be triggering to our other forum-goers. Please review our Community Guidelines to ensure we can continue to keep this forum a safe space for all of our users: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelines 

Helpforafriend
My apologies.

I am so sorry that I put information that could be triggering. I should have read the disclaimer more closely. My sincere apology.

BobJ48
Seeing the light

Dear Help For,

Boy, situations like this are alarming alright, but with the rules about sharing private information here, I think the moderators would likely edit out any sort of contact information that you might try and provide, if someone were to show up, and if they were to be interested in revisiting that painful place in their own life again.

It is strange though, when folks seem to be in denial like this. It seems to be human nature that no one ever wants there to be "a problem" , so they just pretend that there isn't one.

In this situation, my guess is that while the husband may think there's not an issue, I'll bet his wife knows that there is. Folks don't stay thin like that without a lot of pain and constant amounts of effort and discipline. They know that their stamina is not always there, and that they aren't always able to stay on top of things mentally or emotionally in the ways that they might like to be.

But yes, getting to the place where they are able to admit that there *is* a problem is a huge part of getting better, and I'm never sure that others can bring someone to a place like that if they simply don't want to be brought there.

So yes, figuring out what to do in situations like these, that respects everyone's position, can be a difficult thing indeed.

Bob J.

Helpforafriend
Thank you.

Yes. The moderators did edit the response, which I totally understand. We are all a loss here as of what to do. Denial is so, so powerful. Thank you for your kind response.