National Eating Disorders Association

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C964o
Unsure

I’m unsure about what’s going on with me.
I’ve gone most of my life with unhealthy eating habits from not eating for days to then binge eating
Most recently I’ve been good as far as making sure I’m eating consistently but I’ve gained weight and I’m unhappy with myself.
I binge eat when I’m upset so now I have to deal with that and I feel so guilty eating anything.
Even thinking of food makes me feel guilty and I burst into tears because I’m unsure of what I should do.
My boyfriend thinks I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and allow myself to eat but he doesn’t get it. It’s really not that simple.
If I don’t eat I get sick and if I eat I gain weight and I fall into a depressive state. I don’t even know how to deal with anything.
I’ve cried 4 times today all because I don’t know what to do.
I have no self control.

iwanttolive
C964o

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. Crying can be a good thing. Fear is huge with eating disorders. The fear of eating or not eating can be all consuming. It is good that you are eating consistently as this will help with the binging but sometimes binges happen regardless and are happening for emotional reasons. That is why seeing a therapist to help you understand why you are using food to cope with life, even though you may not be aware that this is what is happening, would be a good idea. Yea, most people don't understand the complexities of eating disorders or disordered eating. There is no simple answer. Do you have a close friend you can confide in? If you are eating regularly, it seems to me that you do have at least some self control. Try to give yourself credit for the good things that you do do. Living with guilt is a horrible feeling. Try to see if you can get yourself some help, a therapist or at least a friend to talk with if you can't get a therapist. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

iwanttolive

chunkymonkey68
Hope your day goes better soon

Do you ever think you might need to speak w/ a friend around the time you feel like crying? Perhaps talking w/ a friend or even a crisis line counselor may help when you are feeling that emotion.

I know when I feel emotional sometimes for me its because I am hungry and I feel anxious about eating, esp in public.

So when I feel emotions coming on I also check in w/ my appetite and realized I actually need a snack or meal to elevate my blood sugar level as well as my mood. Its like a cyclic thing for me...