National Eating Disorders Association

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thepugisin
Where to begin...

I want to have a normal relationship with food and my body image but where to start? I am obsessed with eating and not eating- either eating when full or not eating when hungry. I recently have been in a binge eating cycle where I starting eating anything i can and then not eating til late the next day. I feel disgusting and worthless. I want to have a life that consists of more than food and calories. Help! Wheneveer I try and eat "normally" i end up binging. For example if I want a cookie or something I tell myself it is ok and that I can have that cookie because moderation, right? And before i was restrictive to the point where I could never have a cookie. But then I eat that cookie and the rest goes downhill and I need to eat everything sugary in sight. I really can't deal with this. It is so stressful and alll I can think about. I am afraid to reach out for help- I am afraid of the effects my habits have had on my body. I haven't had a period for months and have been eating a lower amount of calories and excersing. I really do not want to go to a doctor and am afraid I will be forced to if i open up about my strggles.

iwanttolive
thepugisin

Hi there and welcome to the forum. I am sorry that you are struggling so much. Why are afraid of getting help? If you don't get help things will probably progressively get worse. Eating disorders are relentless and will only continue to take from you. When things stay in the dark, they continue to fester. Once brought into the light, that is when healing takes place. The only way of getting better is to open up. I know it can be really scary, especially if you aren't used to talking about yourself. But I implore you to get out what is bothering you. The way you are eating is making things worse. The restriction leads to binging, and then you want to restrict because you have eaten too much. Your body is hungry and the binging is your body's way of trying to get nutrition. Many times there are things going on emotionally that causes one to turn to food and behaviors around food to try to not have to deal with the emotional pain, but eating disorders are life threatening. I suggest you do get help. That you work on trusting someone enough to tell them what is going on and get some professional help. It is so important. What are you afraid of? What do you think will happen if you open up? There is a fear there. Do you know what you are afraid of? Eating disorders will ruin your body. That is why you need help. I think it is great that you opened up here on the forum, but again I urge you to get help. It may be difficult at first but I am fairly certain you will be thankful that you did it. Wishing you the best. Hoping you reach out. Take care,

iwanttolive

thepugisin
Thank you

Thank you so much..those are words I need to hear! I have been trying to help myself- by eating three meals a day, even when I want to fast after a binge. I had a breakdown yesterday after my mom made me food. It all looked so good and I binged on it, felt awful. I told her not to make food for me again. I am afraid of opening up because I am embarassed and ashamed. This all got worse when I was on my own and it makes me feel like I can’t take care of myself. I really don’t want to go to the doctor and I know if I open up my parents will force me to go. I have a hard time reaching out to people. Also don’r Want to admit how bad it got- I would not go out with friends because theee would be good theee. I would not hang out with friends and instead go to grocery stores to eat food I would never feel comfortable eating in from of them. I don’t want to fall deeper into the hole. I already have had a habit of stress eating and am worried about the start of school.

Again- thank you for your encouragement about reaching out. Just have to find the right words to say.

iwanttolive
thepugisin

Hi. My computer is acting up. I just lost what I typed. I was saying I am glad that what I said resonated. I am sorry you feel ashamed and embarrassed for struggling with an eating disorder. It wants you to be isolated and not ask for help. Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness. What grade are you in school. School was very stressful for me and I hated it, yuk. Moving out is also very stressful. Do yourself a favor and get the help and support you need. It is okay to ask for help. Be kind to yourself. Don't let the eating disorder boss you around. Stand up for yourself and get support. It is very difficult to battle this alone. Take care and best wishes.

iwanttolive