National Eating Disorders Association

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where to start to recover from anorexia

Hi,

I have anorexia for almost 2 years now, i have been in and out of hospital and also been a out patient, i have been through different treatments but nothing seems to help, I want to over come this eating disorder and get better but a part of me doesn't want to let go. does anyone feel the same?. i dont know what to do i really want to move on and get better. where do i start please help. thanks

Savedbygrace
You're not alone

I'm actually in the same boat. I'm about to go back to residential or inpatient. I, too, want to be victorious and stay victorious, but I've figured out that I still haven't dealt with my traumas when I get out of residential, so I'm HOPING that once I've worked through it all, I'll be strong enough to stay away from using my eating disorder behaviors.
I hope this helps some. Keep us posted.

iwanttolive
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Hello and welcome to the forum. I am sorry for your struggle. Eating disorders are difficult to overcome. But it is possible. The fact that you want to is a great help. The ambivalence is actually quite common. Eating disorders serve a purpose. They don't just happen to us just because. Part of us wants to keep the disorder for thinking it will protect us, or keep us safe or comfort us or keep us company, kinda be a friend. It keeps our worlds small and we focus on food, lack of food, calories, numbers. This acts as a distraction from things that are probably bothering us deep inside, such as abuse, or bullying, or feeling we don't deserve any good thing for whatever reasons. There are so many reasons people develop an eating disorder. So, once we believe there is safety in being a certain weight or trying to go below, or control our weight with whatever behaviors it is difficult to let go. It brings a false sense of power and control into our lives. We like Or I will say I liked the fact that I was too thin. I looked sick. I never admitted it when I was sick, but looking back now that I have recovered from anorexia I know it is true. It becomes an identity for many people. Having to give that up is difficult. And then having to face the pain that brought on the disorder is another reason people don't want to let go. They feel it is easier to live with an eating disorder than face the pain. But the reality is is that eating disorders can cause you to die. They are serious life threatening illnesses that need treatment. It is very difficult to recover without help so I hope you are seeing a therapist and have someone you can talk with about your struggles. I am glad you posted here. So many of us identify with what you said. The I want to get better but I am afraid of doing what it takes to get better, and a lot of times this is required weight gain. For others it is actually losing weight if they are at risk for being severely overweight because it really isn't about the weight or the food but what is going on inside that keeps us stuck and fearful of letting go of the eating disorder. I hope this makes sense to you. I urge you to embrace recovery sooner rather than later. It gets more and more difficult to recover as the years go on and the behaviors get really embedded. I suffered for thirty plus years. I am now in recovery. But it took a long time. I want to let you know recovery is possible and you wanting to recover is a big step and you should be proud of that. Now you need to tackle the ambivalence. Therapy is a great place to work that through. I wish you the best. Keep posting. Take care,

iwanttolive