National Eating Disorders Association

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vital
I am close to a breaking point

This will be quite long and lengthy just to note in advance. So my younger 15 year old sister has been dealing with an eating disorder for about two years now. It all started in the fall of 2016 when she tried taking her life and everything has been downhill since then. She suffered with the eating disorder right after that and for a while life was bad for her, that was until she became apart of a teen program which made her find a hobby and what me and my whole family thought was going to help her on a road to recovery. At the time she was 14 and became friends with a 19 year old boy there and he'd come to the house and it was just all really good for, but me and my mom and dad (i was 17 at the time 18 now just incase anyone wonders) would tell her you know its wrong to ever do anything right? And her response was always very reassuring and she told she would never and that doing anything with him would be gross and wrong, but unfortunately we found out they were a couple and she never would have told us if it weren't for my mom finding out :( so we were back to going downhill again. Unfortunately there was more stuff with him and multiple times of her running away and another attempt at killing herself and she was off to residential. During that time when she was gone I felt very guilty for loving the time she was away because we'd all be at peace. A few months later she told me how she had relationships with a bunch of guys in that teen program and they were boys who knew me and who were older then me and I just couldn't believe it. I had become a tattle tale and a snitch because when she would tell me things I would just have to tell my family because she puts herself in danger. She has become a huge liar and a very convincing one as well. She takes a lot of my things without asking me and thats created a huge strain on our relationship. I'll express to her how much I don't like that she takes my things and it got to the point my parents put a lock on my door. But everytime she takes my things she is so convincing and makes me believe it won't happen again so I don't lock my door and then she does it again and it messes with my head. A few examples would be her taking a very expensive make up product of mine and genuinely driving me insane because I can't find it anywhere and I thought i lost it for months and a week ago she gave it to me and apologized because she said it happened when she wasn;t eating a lot and couldn't remember hiding it, but she lies so much I don't know what to believe. And before I explain the next part I need to explain that I do smoke to help cope with anxiety and panic attacks sometimes and so one night I went to go get my smokes and it was gone and I was so shocked because I never ever forget to put it back in my bag so I got to her and I ask her if she took it and she tells me no and then I ask her if she'll check outside with me and she got very very defensive and told me no. Then she also told me and god I can't believe what a good actor she was but she said "well you misplaced your makeup so you probably just misplaced your smokes." And i went to my room so confused and then it just hit me and I went into her room and demanded she give me it back over and over and then she finally did. She's been smoking a lot and my parents keep catching her doing it and flushing it she has down the toilet and telling her no more! You are going to hurt yourself mentally if you keep using it to cope. Right now I just don't know what to do. My parents are on the verge of divorcing because this is becoming something they can't cope with together and I am so angry at my sister and I know my feelings are valid and I'm not alone but it's so hard to try and be there for her when she lies so so much and puts herself in danger with older men. I feel like it is all her fault and I feel like she loves having so much control over all of us. It is hurting so much. What has happened has made us cancel a huge family trip, is ruining my parents relationship, has made my anxiety and depression so much worse and it just sucks so much. I miss my old sister shes changed so so much and i miss the old me too. I just miss the happy family dynamic we once had and I can't even remember the good times anymore just the bad. My house just has a dark cloud around it and it is so sad here we are all so sad. And right now I have become a punching bag for everyone. When my mom has to deal with my sisters eating disorder and then my anxiety she can freak out on me a lot because her tolerance is wearing thin or if she gets into fights with my sister or my dad she'll freak out on me. This past weel has been the worst of me getting the short end of the stick. If anyone could help me or tell me I'm not alone or literally anything it would be appreciated.

_admin_moderator
Edited Post

Hi vital, welcome to the NEDA forums. We wanted to let you know we edited your post to remove potentially triggering content and personal information. Please review our Community Guidelines to ensure we keep the forums a safe place for all of our users: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/forums/community-guidelinesThank you, and please continue to post!

iwanttolive
vital

Hi I want to say that I read through your post and it sounds so painful. Unfortunately I am very tired tonight but will respond more tomorrow. I just didn't want you to feel no one heard you. I did and will post more tomorrow when I am better able to put the time in. It has been a crazy day. But I am sorry for your pain, for being overlooked and for taking the brunt of everyone's emotions. I'll post soon.

iwanttolive

iwanttolive
vital

Hi. It is iwanttolive. I am wondering how you are doing tonight? I just had an opportunity to post. Your sister sure has been through a lot and as I said, eating disorders affect entire families. What are your interests? What do you like to do? I know the family situation is bad. I feel for you. The lying and stealing and all the behaviors that accompany an eating disorder are serious issues. Have you considered counselling to help you cope with all that is going on and for your pain? Are you in school? What do you want to study?

I am in recovery from an eating disorder. I suffered from anorexia and bulimia and binge eating. Self harm, depression and anxiety. Plus more. It was difficult on my sisters. Some do not believe there is such a thing as eating disorders. My roommate has no clue. She can not understand how someone could deprive themselves of food to the point of death. Your sister has mental illness. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with her behaviors but may help you to understand that her mind isn't working right. Some of these things she is doing she right now may not be in total control over. Initially the malnourished brain can not think clearly. Once it begins to have nourishment on a regular basis, we become more able to make choices. Those choices are not always the healthiest. Then comes the wanting to get better. It is a very scary decision and requires a lot of work. There are many reasons people are afraid to get better, to let go of the eating disorder. For me I was so afraid to grow up. Afraid of being assaulted. I still have some of these fears but realized that I have to face them. It took a long time. I am facing them now and consider myself recovered. God did some miraculous things in my life two months ago and has been working in me for several years. Slowly I let go of the behaviors until now I don't even think about using any of them anymore. But for you, you need to take care of yourself. You may need some distance for a while from your sister, but try not to let it ruin your relationship. My sister's never really understood and stayed away from me. I have never really been close to most of them. It hurt my friendships, the few that I had. The eating disorder stole my life from me until recently. I have taken it back with Jesus help and my parent's and my therapists help. I just want you to know you are not alone and for you to keep posting as much as you need to do. There is no need for guilt for how you are feeling. Your feelings are yours and are valid. Take care,

iwanttolive